Day 46 - How do I recommit to myself

I'm really struggling here.  I'm only sticking to my 24 hour plan some of the time.  I'm giving in to junk food and not sticking to my exercise plans.  I need to rethink this.  I'm afraid I'll never lose this weight because of my lack of commitment.  And the constant fluctuations in my thyroid levels and estrogen and progesterone levels make me even more nervous about getting this weight off.

So, how can I change my destructive thought patterns to productive thought patterns?

"Screw it.  I want a cookie (cake, candy, crackers, chips, etc., etc.).  I've done well this week.  I deserve it."

Change that to:  "I've done well this week.  I deserve to feel better and to feel more confident about my weight and my body.  I don't need to ruin that with junk food.  I t may taste good but it ruins my confidence. Besides, after eating well, it just makes me stick to my stomach anyway."

"I don't feel like exercising today.  I'm tired, sick, exhausted, I didn't sleep well, et., etc."

Change that to:  "I don't feel like exercising today.  But, I'm going to do as much as I can even though I don't feel well.  I don't have to push too hard but  I do need to move.  It will make me feel better and, eventually, I will get stronger so that I don't feel badly all of the time."

Well, that's a start.  I can come up with other changes as I discover negative thoughts that I need to change. I should write these out so that I can see them whenever I feel like giving up on myself.

My plan for today is:

Breakfast: yogurt

Lunch: Chicken noodle soup

Dinner:  enchilada casserole

Exercise:  Walk around the neighborhood, ab challenge, elliptical

Alright, that's it.  Everyone have a good day and always remember...Positivity, confidence, and persistence are key in life, so never give up on yourself.

Days 44 and 45 - A lot of mixed emotions over here

I'm still struggling with sticking to a 24 hour food plan.  I make the plan and then, when I'm hungry, the plan goes out the window.  Usually that happens if I wait to long to eat.I'm having a lot of emotional turmoil too.  I'm thinking that is because of my thyroid being so far out of range.  I'm not sticking to my exercise plan either.  I haven't done much more than my cul-de-sac walk for about the last week.  I can feel it too.  My right hip is starting to hurt again and it seems like the more I usee it the less it hurts.  Since today is Sunday, it's technically a rest day but I did the cul-de-sac walk anyway and I'm going to try getting in some other movement as well.

So, today's plan:

Breakfast: Eggs & a banana

Lunch:  Enchilada casserole

Dinner:  brussel sprouts and chicken breast

Snack: Melon

Exercise:  cul-de-sac walk, ab challenge and whatever other movement I can get in.

So, have a happy Sunday and remember....Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

Day 43 - Ah! Sleep! Sweet relief!!

I finally got some decent sleep last night.  Thank God!! AND today is my Friday weigh in. Down 2.8 pounds.  Even though I haven't been getting much exercise and I have been discouraged and not eating to plan, I still lost.  My thought is I gave my body what it needed - rest!! But I really have to get back to work.  I did my morning cul-de-sac walk and I'm going to try to do my strength training and my ab challenge.  If  I have the energy, I'm going to try to fit in the elliptical.  I'm not going to try for 5 rounds but, I can at least try for a couple of rounds. 

I emailed both of my doctors yesterday.  I'm disappointed with the endo.  He just switched my medication back to the lower dose that didn't work.  I have gone up and down between the 2 same dosages several times at this point and neither work but he seems convinced that eventually one will work which, honestly, pisses me off.  He's not even interested in trying to make me feel better. Jerk!!  I haven't heard back from the 2nd doctor but I'll probably here sometime today.


Anyway, my plan for today is:

Breakfast:  yogurt

Lunch: chicken noodle soup

Dinner:  Enchilada Casserole

Snack: melon

Exercise: cul-de-sac loop, strength training and elliptical

Well, that's it for today.  Happy Friday the 13th, have a great weekend and always remember...Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.

Day 41 and 42 - I've completely lost momentum

I'm struggling right now.  I'm not sleeping well because of my thyroid and that's throwing off my depression and anxiety because I'm just too exhausted to keep control of myself. I'm having a hard time keeping on plan food wise and I haven't exercised all week (except the ab challenge because that takes about 2 minutes - I can do that). Well, I did manage my cul-de-sac lap yesterday and today.   Yesterday,  I was okay until late afternoon and then I ate toast with butter and jelly because I desperately wanted sugar. Today, my plan went out the window because I ended up running errands until after lunch.  I ended up having a Snickers for lunch.  Now, I have to try to make it until dinner.  I may cut up some melon so I'm not ravenous by dinner and over eat.

Okay, that's all for today.  I'm just exhausted.  I'll try to start again tomorrow.

Everyone have a great day and remember...sleep deprivation is the most common brain impairment.

Day 41 - I'm just not feeling it

I'm just struggling the last few days.  I'm exhausted even though I'm sleeping fine.  Today, I'm doing my fever thing.  Sometimes (usually about once a month), I run a low grade fever for like a day maybe two.  Then it just stops.  I'm not sick. It just happens.  So, because I'm so tired I just want to eat because I'm desperate for energy.  I did not stick to my plan yesterday and I didn't really exercise, except for my ab challenge.  I'm still feeling crappy today but I'm trying to stick to my food plan as best as I can.  Breakfast, however, got knocked out because I rushed with one of my poodles to the vet first thing this morning.  I found a lump on her chest, so I immediately had it checked out.  Thankfully, it's just a lipoma (fatty tumor) but they did tell me she needs to lose weight.  My little chunky monkey needs to lose 3 pounds which is quite a bit for a miniature poodle.  Oh well.  She's just gonna have to change her diet just like her mama. 

So, today:

Breakfast:  Starbucks (I was at the vet and needed a caffeine boost)

Lunch:  Last of the chili

Dinner: homemade burgers

No snacks

Exercise:  I don't know.  Ab challenge takes about 3 minutes.  I'm supposed to do strength training but I just don't feel well and elliptical is not likely to happen.

Anyway, have a great day and always remember ...Only in the darkness can you see the stars

Day 40 - Monotony Kicks In

I'm feeling like I'm getting up, doing this, working on other projects, exercising, watching TV and going to bed.  Then I wake up the next day and start all over again.  I'm really tired the last couple of days and I think this may be why.  I need to jazz up my life a bit.  How?  I have no idea but I need a change.  Yesterday, my husband and I were both tired so we ordered the pizza for lunch instead of dinner.  That was a mistake because I ended up eating way more than 2 slices of pizza and we ordered brownies too.  I feel like I'm failing at this 100 day challenge at this point and I need to get back on track.  I did do my ab challenge yesterday, so that's something.  I just want to sleep all of the time and when I'm worn out like this, I crave sugar because I am desperate for energy.  I need to figure out a plan. 

So, today, I've done my computer work already.  I'm going to shut this down, get cleaned up and finish up my homework for the day.  I'm going to try to get in my elliptical x 5 (with an increase of 1 minute so they are 9 minutes a round now)and my ab challenge.  It's still extremely hot out, so my cul-de-sac loops are cancelled until things become reasonable again.

My plan for the day:

Breakfast:  Yogurt concoction

Lunch:  chicken noodle soup

Dinner:  the last of the leftover chili

Snacks:  Probably nothing because I ate so much yesterday

Exercise:  Elliptical x 5 (9 minutes now) and my ab challenge

I've been trying to make these posts deep and meaningful, but I realized that's silly because I am doing this for myself and no one else is going to see this.  BUT, just in case someone shows up to the party, I hope you have a fabulous day and always remember...We all grow tired eventually; it happens to everyone. Even the sun, at the close of the year, is no longer a morning person.

Day 39 - Sleepy Sunday

Yesterday went well.  I stuck to my plan and, even though we had a guest for dinner (who cooked for us), I didn't eat anything unreasonable.  He made a lovely pork dish with mint and cilantro (it sounds a little strange but was actually quite good).  We made brown rice and used romaine lettuce to make wraps out of it all.  It was delicious and healthy.  I also got to trade recipes with him.  He showed me a cookbook app where he can share his recipes with me.  He and his wife actually eat quite healthy, so everything was okay for my daily plans.  Most of it is done in the instant pot too so that makes it even easier.  He even showed me how to make my own Greek yogurt in it.  I can't wait to try that one.  The only thing I didn't get to do was my ab challenge because he was here during the time I usually do it.  I could have done it earlier but didn't think of it because I was busy cleaning up before he got here.  Today was supposed to be a rest day though.   I can do yesterday this morning and be caught up for tomorrow.

I'm a little wiped out today.  I'm a huge introvert, so having anyone around exhausts me, even though I really like Dave.  So other than my ab challenge, my husband and I just want to chill out today.  We're even ordering pizza so we don't have to cook.  I'm adding it to my plan for the day and I am allowing myself 2 pieces and that's it.  I love pizza.  I usually stuff myself.  This will be something of a challenge, but I can do it.  There will also be leftovers, so I will just have to commit to leaving that to my family.

Today's plan is:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt concoction

Lunch:  chicken noodle soup

Dinner: 2 slices of pizza

Snacks: melon

Exercise:  Ab challenge ans rest

Alright, everyone had a great day and remember...when we rest our energy is restored.

Day 37 & 38 - I took a self imposed computer break

I've been having a hard time keeping up with life, so, yesterday, I took a day off from my computer.  I did my Friday weigh in and didn't lose anything but that wasn't bad considering I was eating crappy all week long.  On the plus side, I gained nothing.  So, that's fine with me.  I did my measurements too so I could see what progress I made and I've lost 5.5" total.  That's pretty good.  I did my strength training and my second day of the ab challenge.  I really can't do sit ups right now (my belly actually gets in the way) but I can do the crunches leg raises and planks just fine.  I'm on day 3.  I was looking at the last day.  WTH?!!!! 😂😂 125 sit ups, 200 crunches, 65 leg raises and a 2 minute plank. Bwahahaha!!!  We'll see.

I didn't do elliptical yesterday because I just needed to get out of the house for a while.  I haven't left home in over a week.  I went and got my hair cut, visited my friend's New Age shop, stopped at Ulta and checked out Five Below (I'd never been there before and it was new at our shopping center).  It was a nice day out until someone hit my car in the parking lot and split.  Excuse me.....ASSHOLE!!!!

Alright, so, today my food plan includes a meal that I'm not too certain about because our friend is cooking for us.

Breakfast:  My Greek yogurt concoction

Lunch: leftover chili verde and a granola bar

Dinner:  Surprise Dave dinner

Exercise:  My weekends are my time off but I am doing my ab challenge and housework

So, that's it for today.  I need to get the house picked up before Dave shows up.  Happy weekend and always remember....believe in yourself and you will be unstoppable.

Day 36 - A New Challenge

I finished the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge yesterday, so I wanted to come up with a new challenge. I found this 30 Day abs challenge and I thought this would be perfect.  Since I re-started strength training a couple of weeks ago (I think?), I realized that I didn't lose as much of my upper body strength as I thought.  I just couldn't see my muscles anymore because of the weight.  However, my core strength is just gone.  I figured I could add this to my strength training and see how much improvement I can get in 30 days.

Alright, honesty time.  Since I fell off the wagon last weekend, I haven't been able to stick to my 24 hour plan.  Last night I wanted something sweet (after I had already had dinner), so I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Lame!!I'm being awful to myself.  I want to see a change but, apparently, I'm not willing to put in the work right now.  I have to get off my ass and recommit to me.  I also didn't get in my elliptical at all.  I did do strength training and my lap around the cul-de-sac but that was it.  I am super busy right now but I had time to stop once an hour and do 8 minutes on the elliptical.  I just didn't. 

So, no more bullsh*t!!  Today's the day!!  I'm here to make myself the best me I can be and I'm going to stick to it!!!

Today's food plan:

Breakfast:  my Greek yogurt concoction

Lunch:  Chicken noodle soup

Dinner:  Shrimp stir fry

Snack: banana (I'm out of all of my other fruit)

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac lap, 30 Day Ab Challenge Day 1 and Elliptical 5 times plus housework if I get to it.

Alright, I hope everyone has a fab Thursday and remember...determination is nothing without dedication and hard work...

Dat 35 - I think I can beat this

So, after eating for crap for days, I'm getting back online.  I'm not doing great with exercise this week though.  It's still the menstrual thing.  I keep having to go to bed because the pain is too much.  I'm very much a person that can roll with the punches but this is harsh.  I'm counting the days until my appointment.  It weird to me that I'm hoping for a surgical intervention.  I'm not like this.

I'm also way behind on everything this week.  Long weekends are great but short weeks are a nightmare.  I'm working on my business page on FB and the group I associated with it.  I'm making videos now and that's a whole big learning curve.  I'm working on my Travel Counselor training, my diploma on Aromatherapy, strength training and cardio, getting steps in, keeping up with this, looking for a job and keeping up with housework. I have way too much on my plate right now. So, my journal posts have gotten shorter just because I don't have enough time in the day right now.

So, once again, short but sweet.  My food plan is:

Breakfast:  my Greek yogurt concoction

Lunch:  Chicken noodle soup and saltines

Dinner: shrimp stir fry

Snacks: banana and melon

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac loop, elliptical x5 and strength training

Day 30 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

Looking back over the past 30 days of journaling, what do I now know that I didn't before?  How can I take this forward into action?

I've learned a lot about myself in the last 30 days.  My self esteem is in the toilet. I need to learn to be kinder to myself.  I need to not give up when life throws me a curve.  I'm starting to see patterns in my behavior that I can get control of, now that I realize they're there. I need to catch myself when I start thinking badly of myself. Like today, I was making a video and saw myself and almost couldn't do it.  I am extremely embarrassed by the way I look right now. I know some of it is because of health issues and medication but most of it, honestly, is my CHOOSING to eat for crap.  I'm also really hard on myself when I can't accomplish what I want to accomplish, like my weight loss over the past month.  I was so upset that I didn't lose more weight and I chose to not acknowledge what I had done.  I LOST weight.  I didn't gain it.  That alone is something to be proud of.  So, moving forward, I'm going to pay attention what my mind is saying to me and, when I catch myself being hard on me, I will consciously change that thought to something positive. 

Alright, that's all for today.  Happy Wednesday to all and always remember...The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ...

Day 33 & 34 - Derailed

So, once again, a double post.  Labor Day threw everything into a tailspin and I have eaten garbage for the past 4 days.  Today I am back on the wagon.  No more visitors and everyone is back to work. I joined the 100 miles in 30 days challenge on the PNP Groupies group, so I'm going to be doing my best to get at least 4 miles a day.

Yesterday, I was also stuck in bed all day because the menstrual horrors continue.  I called today to see my gyno but the soonest she had is at the end of the month.  I just have to suck it up until then.

Today, I am over scheduled because of the holiday.  I'm trying to catch up because I didn't do anything yesterday.  I've scheduled my exercise for the day.  I did cut my normal morning loop in half because it is horrible hot here in Louisiana this week and there's no shade.  I'm compensating with my elliptical rounds and strength training.  Plus, I have housekeeping to do so I should definitely be getting in enough movement.

So, short but sweet.  My food plan for the day is:

Breakfast:  my Greek yogurt concoction

Lunch: Small serving of chili (our buddy made this for us and it's amazing and that says a lot because I usually don't like chili)

Dinner: leftover chili verde

Snacks: melon

Exercise:  all of the above.

Day 29 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What words do I wish someone would say to me right now?  How can I give that to myself this year?

The words I want to hear most are "It's going to be okay.", "You can do this.", and "You're stronger than you know."  I want to hear "It's going to be okay." because I am very stressed out because of my unemployment.  I'm also eliminating my antidepressant which makes me very nervous.  I want to hear "You can do this." because my faith in myself is at an all time low.  I'm trying to learn another occupation and trying to lose weight and get more healthy at the same time. And I want to hear "You're stronger than you know." because, once again, I don't have a lot of faith in myself right now.  I can give all of these to myself by concentrating on all of the things I'm doing to improve my situation.  I need to look back at everything I've accomplished over the years, even though I didn't think it was possible.  If I see everything I've gone through and come out better on the other side, it will help me to feel stronger and more capable than I feel at the moment.

Alright, that's all for today.  I hope you had a wonderful Labor Day weekend and I hope you have a wonderful Tuesday.  And, as always remember...Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.

Day 31 and 32 - Disappointment as an excuse to screw up

There's no need to really break this down into days because they were both pretty much the same.  I gave up on myself for a couple of days after my Friday weigh in.  I've been working so hard and 6 pounds in a month is extremely disappointing, especially when I'm seeing all these other women in the group losing double digits in a couple of weeks.  I realize it's tougher for someone with Hashimoto's and someone who's taking medications that have side effects of weight gain and I'm having my period every two weeks but I'm still really upset.  I have eaten nothing but junk the last couple of days and I felt myself giving up but I recognized it last night (as I ate my Marble Slab ice cream in bed).  I realized I'm giving up on my goals, my health and my happiness and I'm just not having it this time. And, I didn't feel good after eating all of that junk too. So, today I start over and, even though I tend to take the weekends off from exercise, I'm going to get as much of my exercise in today as I can.  We may be having a friend coming over for dinner tonight and he likes to cook for us when he comes but he usually makes healthy meals but I can still stick to my plan.  I just won't eat a huge amount of dinner.

So, that's really it for today.  I'm going to do this no matter what it takes.

My food plan for the day:

Breakfast  I'm not hungry at all because of my junk food fest so I'm probably going to skip this

Lunch:  chili verde

Dinner: Chicken and veggies unless our buddy shows up today.

No snacks!!!

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac lap, elliptical rounds (5 at 8 minutes) and housekeeping (that totally counts as cardio) 😁

Day 28 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What went super well?  What is different now because of that?

I think this journal challenge has really helped me to see what my internal monologue about food and myself is.  I've learned how I can identify "garbage thinking" and I'm working on changing those thoughts to positive reinforcement.  Like, I could say I'm a failure because of my binge eating for the last couple of days or I could say, "Yep. I screwed that up BUT I recognized what I was doing and was able to bring myself back around and not give up because I'm not seeing the progress as quickly as others.

Well, that's it for today.  I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday.  If you're in the path of Dorian, stay safe.  AND always remember...Positivity, confidence, and persistence are key in life, so never give up on yourself. .

Day 30 - Why is the scale not moving!!!

So, yesterday went well, I ate according to plan with one exception.  I changed out leftovers for dinner to chicken noodle soup.  Totally fine.  I was starving and I was getting nauseated so the soup sounded better.  I got in most of the exercise I had planned.  I'm having a hard time getting 5 rounds on the elliptical in because sometimes I forget to reset my timer but I'm regularly getting in 4. I ended up a little congested last night and I figured out a little magic trick.  If I put a drop or two of Eucalyptus oil on each side of my nose, it clears right up almost immediately.  That's wonderful because I used to use Afrin which is very addictive.


DoTerra Essential Oils

Today started out badly.  I woke up at 3:00am and could not go back to sleep, so I got up at 4:00am.  Then I weighed in since it's Friday.  Once again, I have lost nothing and that pisses me off.  I've worked hard for the last 30 days and I've lost a grand total for ~6 pounds.  It hardly seems worth the effort.  I know that the fact I'm having my period every two weeks it probably part of the problem but I'm still pissed off.  I'll keep going because 6 is better than nothing but it's really annoying seeing all of these other women eliminating McDonald's at lunch or not drinking as much soda and losing 30 pounds in 90 days.  I really hate this shit.

So, today my plan is:

Breakfast:  Nature Valley granola bars

Lunch: leftover nacho-less nachos

Dinner:  tuna noodle casserole

Snacks: cherries or melon

Exercise:  We'll see.  I'm already exhausted but I'm going to try to do my loop and try to get some elliptical work in.  If I have the energy, I'll do strength training.  I'm probably going to take a nap at some point.

Day 27 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge
What do I wish I'd done differently? Why? What would be different now?

That's a pretty open ended question.  There are many things I wish I had done differently in my life.  I guess as far as food goes, I wish I had chosen to address my feelings (probably with a therapist) so that I could deal with the horrible things we went through in the last 2 years instead of eating my way through it.  The why is easy.  I would be stronger physically and emotionally.  I wouldn't have chronic tachycardia.  I figure once the weight comes off and I get back into shape, my heart rate will drop to a more normal range for me.  What would be different?  My self-confidence wouldn't be in a tailspin.  My husband and I would have a more normal relationship and we would be able to get out more often just to spend quality time together instead of plopping down in front of the TV every night until we pass out for the night.

Alright, that's all I have the brain power to do day.  I hope you all have a great day and remember...

Day 29 - Get thee behind me brownies!!

Okay. So I obviously ate two brownies off plan last night  I'm really annoyed with myself because that's the second time since Saturday that I have eaten some craptastic junk food. 😞 I'm not going to concentrate on this step backward though.  I got a lot of steps in yesterday because of housework and I tried something new on the elliptical.  I put my Fibit around my ankle to see if it tracked my steps better.😂  It still wasn't accurate but it did record more steps than it did on my wrist.  The only pain in the butt part is I have to remove the strap on one side to get it on my ankle but, hey, more steps is more steps right?

Today, I'm sticking to my plan damn it!! I'm nervous today though.  Not because of food but because my doctor is taking me of my antidepressant and today is my first day without it.  I've already got the withdrawal headache (this is why I HATE taking this stuff in the first place).  I've taken preemptive Tylenol and Aleve.  I'm also using my peppermint essential oil ( I diluted 5 drops in fractionated coconut oil into a small 2 ounce roller ball bottle). Peppermint oil works great, by the way.  Roll a little on our temples, across your forehead and up the back of you neck  I have headaches all the time and I don't like taking so much Tylenol and Aleve, so this is a great alternative. I can also put a drop under my tongue for the nausea that will be coming.  I'm mostly nervous because I have severe depression and, while I am taking two different drugs that act as mood stabilizers, it still scares me that this will throw me into a tailspin. I'm prepping my diffuser with some Citrus Bliss, lavender and cedarwood to help maintain my mood as well.

DoTerra Essential Oils

So, today's plan (hopefully I won't be derailed by the lack of antidepressant thing):

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch:  leftover chili verde

Dinner:  leftover homemade burger

Snack:  Cherries

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac lap and Elliptical 5 times at 8 minutes a round and today I'm doing the living room cleaning.

Day 26 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What 3 things am I grateful for?  What am I most looking forward to?

I am grateful for my very supportive husband.  He's always there when I need him.  I am grateful that I have this time to concentrate on myself.  I may be out of a job but, while I'm looking for a new position, I have this time to concentrate on me.  I'm also grateful to the ladies in the PNP groupies group on FB.  Their always there when you need a boost and everyone is so helpful when you have a question.

I am most looking forward to being able to keep up once all the weight is gone.  I still wear out pretty easily, so it will be nice to not always have to make tentative plans and wait to see if I can do it the day of the event.  I'm also looking forward to fitting back in my clothes.  I've kept them all even though it really hasn't helped with my self-confidence.  Now, I look at it as a goal to fit in my nice clothes and not feel like I need to hide behind baggy clothes.

Okay.  So that's my plan for the day.  I hope you have a wonderful day and always remember...What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.

Day 28 - You want lots of steps? Have 4 dogs and 4 cats

So, I'm feeling better today.  No grouchiness this morning! I asked everyone in the PNP Groupies group on FB what they thought about my menstrual issues and they came with an overwhelming opinion of removing the offending organ.  I'm still a little sketchy about it.  I've never had a major surgery.  So, now, talk to my gynecologist and see what happens. This getting older thing is for the birds.  😁

So, I did well with my food plan yesterday but I had given myself he day off from exercise.  By yesterday evening, however, I was feeling antsy so I did 15 minutes on the elliptical.  Some is better than none.

Today, I'm trying to get caught up on housework.  I've been trying to schedule too much for myself and so I'm, actually, falling behind on just about everything. But, there's nothing like a ton of housework to get steps in.  My house requires constant dusting, sweeping and mopping because of my sweet babies (I love my dogs and cats like children) and I'm very picky about my bathrooms.  The best way to get exercise, apparently, is lose your job, let your housekeeper go and maintain everything yourself. 😅

So, today my food plan is:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch:  leftover chili verde and melon

Dinner:  Crock pot chicken wings

Snacks:  cherries

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac lap, strength training, housework and at least a couple of rounds on the elliptical.  Phew!!

Day 25 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

Looking back over the past 24 days of writing, what patterns or understandings can I now see about the emotional side of my emotional eating?

I'm, apparently, not overly fond of myself and those destructive feelings are what leads to my eating my emotions.  I've taken to heart things that others, who should have been there for me, said about me which led to my lack of self worth. I need to work on my self confidence.  I need to change my mental dialogue so that, when I'm beating myself up, I change those words into something more positive.  I also need to work on not taking on others problems.  I cannot fix everything for everyone.  That's their job not mine. When I want to eat, I need to check in with myself and see if I'm really hungry or if I'm just in a "mood".  This is going to be an ongoing process for me.  It's not going to be easy to fix because this goes back for a large portion of my life.

Alright, that's all for today.  I hope everyone has a great day and always remember...you, yourself as much as anyone else in the universe, deserves your love and affection. 

Day 27 - Somedays it's just not worth getting out of bed

Today, I just woke up grouchy.  I think my period is starting to happening every 2 weeks again and it's definitely affecting my mood.  I swear, if they could give me a physical reason to have a hysterectomy, at this point, I would do it. I just can't justify ripping out an organ that's otherwise healthy.  I'm also still having sleep issues and my doctors are just useless.  So, I'll get done what I get done and everything else will wait.

So, yesterday was fine even though I didn't get everything I wanted done done.  I got about half of what I wanted to do done, which works.  I tend to over-schedule myself anyway. I ate my plan and got in most of my exercise.  I missed one round of elliptical but not a big deal. I really wish my Fitbit recorded my elliptical steps better though.  I did about 6 miles yesterday which would be about 12000 steps but it only records about 3600 of those steps, which is a bummer. Apparently, they have a new one that is more accurate but it's about $300.  A little bit out of my range right now.

All right, so today's plan:

Breakfast:  The standard Greek yogurt

Lunch:  I'm craving chicken noodle soup (weird for summer but whatever)

Dinner: homemade burgers

Snack:  cherries or melon

Exercise:  I did my cul-de-sac loop but I'm just not feeling spry and lively today, which means, once again, I'm missing strength training.  I'm at the F it portion of the day.  Meh!

 
Day 24 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What would it mean if I were good enough?

Is today the BEST day for this question?  Ugh.  Well, actually it probably is.  If I thought I was good enough it wouldn't bother me so much when I had off days.  I wouldn't feel like I was a bad person most of the time. I would recognize the fact that I had accomplished quite a bit given my beginnings and my health issues.  I would realize that the small changes I've made are going to add up to something big.  I would have way more faith in myself and my abilities. I would be happier and more relaxed instead of stressed out and confused.  Okay.  That's enough for now.

Alright,  that's it for today.  I hope everyone has a great day and remember...believe in yourself and you will be unstoppable.

Day 26 - Another day another lesson

So, this will probably be short.  Yesterday was a good day.  I stuck to my plan.  It was Sunday, so it was my day off from formal exercise.  We pretty much just hung out together and finished watching series that we had found.  My husband finished his show Wu Assassin while I worked on yesterday's blog post and then I finished Outlander, which, by the way, is an awesome show.  😃

My lesson yesterday was, since I had eliminated so much sugar from my diet these last few weeks, slipping and eating those cookies Saturday night was a horrible idea.  It gave me terrible heartburn (and I had just started getting it to let up after forgetting to take my medicine for 2 days).  I ended up using my normal medication (omeprazole), my essential oil blend and then I borrowed some of my son's heartburn medication (ranitidine).  So, lesson, sugar is bad. 

Sleep last night was horrible.  I didn't go to sleep until after 11:00, which is very late for me and the only reason I fell asleep then was because I gave in and took Benadryl.  I'm tired today, which makes life a little more challenging but I'm going to try to get everything on my list done.  Hopefully, that will wear me out and I'll be able to sleep better tonight.

So, today's food plan:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch:  leftover enchilada casserole (it's almost gone so I'll get something new for lunch soon 😁)

Dinner:  It's my husband's game night so, probably, leftover nacho-less nachos

Snacks:  cherries or melon

Exercise My normal morning lap around the cul-de-sac (it's stormy here today but it stopped just long enough for me to do it) and 5 rounds of the elliptical at 8 minutes per round (I increased it by one minute from last week)

Day 23 of the Emotional Eatig 30 Day Journal Challenge

What advice would older me like to tell "now" me?

Hmm.  I think older me (based on what I've learned from listening to people older than me) would want me to know that life isn't a race.  I don't always have to be first.  I need to listen to my body or it will fight back.  If I'm tired, I should rest not push through just for the sake of pushing through.  I need to concentrate on what I think of me, not what others think of me.  One of the best lines I've ever heard is : It's none of my business what others think of me.  Health is worth it.  I will appreciate what I am doing for myself now so much more in the future when people I know who haven't done this are in bad shape and I'm still bouncing around like my younger self.  And enjoy life now.  There are no do-overs.

Alright, that's it for today.  I hope everyone has a great day and remember...You'll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.   

Day 24 and 25 - The struggle continues

I've been so busy playing catch up for the last week, it's been hard to keep up with this.  So, it's another double post today.

Friday went pretty well.  I ate according to my plan and got all of my exercise in.  Later that evening, though, things changed.  I have GERD and I take omeprazole daily to keep the heartburn at bay.  Well, when I filled my pill boxes for the week two days before, I forgot to put it in there.  I ended up with wicked heartburn.  I took the omeprazole as soon as I figured it out, took several rounds of Pepto and even used my essential oils (2 drops of lemon, 2 drops of peppermint and 3 drops of sandalwood in 1 tbsp of fractionated coconut oil - rub clockwise over breast bone). Surprisingly, the essential oils worked better than the other meds but still didn't knock it completely out because I had missed the omeprazole for 2 days at that point. Another trick, I was taught some time ago was a vanilla milkshake.  It has to be vanilla.  For whatever reason, it works every time.  So, definitely not on plan but I'm being a little lenient on this one because I couldn't lay down to sleep because it got worse when I tried.

Yesterday, didn't quite go as planned.  I wanted to do a second day of strength training because I only did it once for the week instead of twice, like I had planned.  I couldn't do it, however, because the first day I pushed too hard and my left elbow hurt.  I couldn't even straighten my arm yesterday.  And, I woke up late again so breakfast was at about 10:00, which threw me off for the rest of the day. Then, instead of getting chores done, I ended up chatting with my son's girlfriend for about 2 hours.  I do not regret that though.  I haven't had a chance to get to know her but she is super sweet and has my son's best interests at heart.  So, yeah, I like her.  But, I forgot lunch until it was too late.  I ended up snacking on melon instead of eating something real for lunch.  This always leads to bad choices and I need to learn to stop doing that.  I stuck to my dinner plan but, after that, I ate 6 cookies.  Definitely not the plan and, definitely, all on me.  I didn't have to do it.  And I actually screwed up my sleep because of it.  Dumb move!

So today it's back on track.  My plan is:

Breakfast:  4 strips of bacon and 2 eggs

Lunch: leftover enchilada casserole (every time I eat this I eat smaller portions to see hw much I actually need to feel satisfied)

Dinner:  Chicken and veggies

Snacks: cherries or melon

Sunday is my day of of exercise so, whatever I get in is a bonus.

Day 21 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

I feel most at peace and connected when I...because..

I feel most at peace and connected when I have time to just chill out with my husband and my dogs because it lets me recharge after a busy day/week.  If you can't tell, I'm really into animals and my dogs and cats are my fur kids.  And, of course, I like hanging out with my husband. We love finding movies or shows to binge watch when we just want to relax.

Day 22 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What advise would I like to give younger me?

I could go on forever with this one but the big ones are, quit eating so much junk food.  Learn to cook more healthy for myself and my son. You're not as fat as you think.  Don't stress about every little thing or you'll destroy your poor body.  Spend more time playing with your son because it goes by too fast.  Think before you act and on...and on...and on...

If only we could actually do that but, I guess, since we can't, we can look at it as gaining wisdom as we get older.

Alright, so I'm off to the races again.  I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday and always remember...Life is too short, time is too precious, and the stakes are too high to dwell on what might have been.

Day 23 - Happy Friday!!

Yesterday turned out to be a roller coaster but it proved to me how far I've already come.  I already said my blood work to recheck my thyroid came back out of range but my doctor didn't want to change it.  So, because leaving it like this is going to continue to mess with my sleep, I had to call my other doctor to try to get help from him.  They're both with the same group so he had access to my blood work and agreed with me that it was not where it should be.  But, instead of changing up the meds that help me sleep, he decided the best course of action was to take me off my antidepressant because it could be revving me up.  First of all, I take it in the morning ( and I have done so for years) and it has never caused me to have a problem with my sleep.  Second, I have severe depression and it's dangerous to mess with the meds that keep me balanced. After trying to get them to listen to me (you know - the one that has to live with this), I finally just gave up.  I'm scared to do this because of the terrible things I've gone through in the past because of the depression.  Now, I have to wait for a month and a half to see either one of these people to legitimately fix this problem. 

Now, for the positive part of this cluster, I ate according to my plan and I still got all my exercise in, including the strength training. So, all in all, I was pretty proud of myself. I'm very sore this morning but it's a good sore.  It's an "I finally did it" kind of sore.  I was surprised too.  I haven't lost as much of my upper body strength as I thought.  I did seem to lose about all of my core strength though. I accomplished maybe half of the 20 minute core strength video (TurboFire for anyone who's interested).

AND, last but not least, today is Friday, which is the only day I allow myself to weigh in and I am down another 2.2 pounds.  I got to move another 2 pebbles from the weight to lose jar to the weight lost jar.  That visual really does help.  Thanks again to whoever shared that.

So, that's all for today.  My food plan is:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch:  leftover chili verde

Dinner:  leftover enchilada casserole ( we have a lot of leftovers right now, so we're working our way through those)

Snacks: cherries or melon

Exercise: the cul-de-sac loops and 5 rounds of the elliptical (7 minutes each)

 Day 20 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

Write down everything in life that gives me pleasure or joy.  What in my life makes me feel alive and energized?

Well, first off, I already mentioned my dogs and cats.  They are my joy because they stick with me on good days and bad.  Reading and learning also gives me pleasure.  I love learning new things (I'm a perpetual student).  I do, actually, like exercise.  It makes me feel strong and I feel proud of myself, especially on days I really don't want to do it.  I love hanging out with my husband and my son.  They're my favorite people  I love a good adventure.  I haven't had one in a long time.  I definitely need to schedule that.  I don't know if that's everything in live that brings me joy but those are the most significant ones.

So, that's all for today.  I have to get moving.  I hope you all have a happy Friday and always remember...They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.”

Day 22: God give me strength

Yesterday actually went well. I got in all of my planned exercise and stuck with my food plan.  The problem that I am having now is sleep.  I'm a chronic insomniac and I take two medications to help.  I take one to put me to sleep and one to keep me asleep.  Yes. I'm one of those lucky people that has both problems. I can't go to sleep and then I can't stay asleep once I do fall asleep.  That's causing me to sleep in late (still unemployed so I can get away with that for now). That's messing up the rest of my day though.  I'm starting out behind.  I'm trying to keep up with exercise, housekeeping, job hunting, studying for travel agency certification (I'm trying to change my careers.  I'm tired of the instability of working at universities) AND I've decided to go ahead and try working with DoTerra. I love their products and maybe I can do something with it. I know.  It's an MLM but I'm having a good time with their products, so why not and it cost me nothing to change from a customer to an advocate.  I'm getting a little desperate honestly.

Today, I found out the results of my blood work and I'm frustrated to be honest.  We've spent 2 years trying different medications and different dosages and nothing seems to be working.  We ended up putting me back on a dose that was too much before and hoping for the best.  Well, the results came back out of the range where I feel well but my doctor is insisting that we keep this dose because "nothing else is working".  Be grateful if you don't have a chronic illness.  You find out really quickly how not helpful doctors can be.  So, now I have to talk to my other doctor because that is what is interfering with my sleep and see if he'll help me.  I honestly am not holding out much hope.  I just don't trust doctors anymore.

Anyway, not in a great mood today but I'm going to keep moving forward.

My food plan today is:

Breakfast: Greek yogurt with GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: leftover Enchilada Casserole

Dinner: leftover chili verde

Snack (if needed):  cherries and/or melon

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac loop, 5 rounds on the elliptical at 7 minutes each and strength training

Day 19 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge:

Where do I practice forgiveness in my life?  Where could I give more?

That's an easy answer.  I don't and, yes, I know that's not healthy.  I have tried in the past to forgive those who have done wrong but the problem is, when I do forgive someone and then someone else does something, I tend to throw out all forgiveness and have to start again.  I'm an abuse survivor and because of that I have a very hard time trusting people at all. So, when someone does something to me , in my mind, they've only proven me right.  I'm unsure how I can give more when I have a hard time giving it at all. And, yes, I have gone through therapy off and on for years.  I don't get much out of it really.  I think I need to start with learning to forgive myself and to learn how to see me as I am and not me as others have told me I am. 

Okay, that's enough of that.  It's not a happy topic for me.  I hope you all have a great day and remember...(here's one I need to remember)... You must love yourself. You have to forgive yourself, everyday, whenever you remember a shortcoming, a flaw, you have to tell yourself "That's just fine".

Day 21 - Three weeks in

Today is the end of my third week. I can see that I'm making progress in my eating and exercising but I still have quite a way to go to get to my goal.  I'm not eating as much but I haven't really changed the types of food I've been eating.  I'm a terrible creature of habit and I'm not much of a cook, so new meals take up a lot of time initially.  I'm a little frustrated because I don't seem to be getting anywhere weight wise but, part of that has been estrogen and progesterone madness and my thyroid still isn't quite right.  I had my blood drawn again yesterday and I'm hoping it comes back better than before.  We shall see.

So, yesterday seems like it will be my last derailed day this week.  The rest of the week seems pretty easy.  I was going to compensate for my burger and french fry lunch by having yogurt for dinner but I was ravenous (because I didn't have breakfast) so I had a small serving of chili verde instead.  I was able to get in four rounds of the elliptical and I have increased it to 7 minutes per round.  My goal for each day is 5 rounds and I want to increase the time for each round by another minute each week until I get to 10 minutes per round.  I missed strength training yesterday (my plan was to add it to Tuesday and Thursday like I used to do) but I'll be able to get it in tomorrow and then, depending on what ends up going on this weekend, I may do it again on Saturday (even though I said I am taking weekends off).  This will allow me to get that started and then keep to my regular days after this week.

Alright, so this is going to be short today.  I still have quite a bit to catch up on.

My meal plan for today is:

Breakfast: Greek yogurt with GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: Chili Verde

Dinner:  Small homemade burger

Snack: Cherries or melon

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac loop and 5 rounds on the elliptical (total 35 minutes)

Day 18:  Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What do I feel stressed, guilty or angry about?  What do I do with these feelings?
What do I feel joyous, happy and abundant about? What do I do with those feelings?

Right now, I'm all of the above (stressed, guilty and angry) because I lost my job because the lab I work for lost their grant money. I'm super stressed about money.   I'm also feeling a little guilty because I'm not spending all day every day looking for a job.  I feel guilty that I am glad I have this time to do work on myself. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder so I ruminate on stuff like this which leads me to eating anything I can find.  I haven't been doing that as much right now and I completely believe it's because I'm doing this.  I can see what I'm doing to myself, so it's making it easier to stop it when I can see it happening.

My ultimate joy is my dogs and my cats. They're my angels and stick by me,especially when I'm feeling down. They don't care what I look like.  They love me anyway.  I'm trying to practice abundance thinking but it's hard right now, which doesn't help with the whole "positive thinking" idea.  When I am feeling happy, I tend to want to be out and active.  I don't sit and eat my feelings so much.

Okay. So, on with the day.  I hope you all have a wonderful day and...Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything

Day 20: Plan for plans to be derailed

Yesterday, my plans got derailed.  I overslept and was trying to catch up.  I ate my yogurt in a hurry and then went to do my lap around the cul-de-sac.  It was already in the high 80's by 10:30 so by the time I got back I was nauseated. That messed up my elliptical rounds.  By the time I was feeling better, I was so far behind I was playing catch up all day.  Then I had an issue with Verizon which kept me on the phone and then sent me to the store, who then decided I needed to call customer service again.  That took over an hour.  By the time everything was worked out, I had lost my time for elliptical rounds.  I stuck with my food plan though.  My lovely husband even prepared chili verde for dinner for me so I didn't have to figure that out.

My derailment continued into today. So, my food plan got screwed up. I had to go to the UPS store (hopefully, the end of the Verizon escapade) and then to my doctor's office for blood work.  I was trying to get everything done early so that I wouldn't end up behind again.  However, everyone in town needed blood work today so I was at the doctors office for at least an hour. I hadn't eaten breakfast because I didn't think it would take so long.  By the time I was going home it was noon and I was ravenous.  I stopped at DQ on my way home and got a small burger and french fries.  Not the best choice, especially since I don't really eat fast food but I didn't get a huge burger and french fries and a soda.  My stomach doesn't like this choice but I'm still trying to get through a few rounds on my elliptical.

My plan is/was:

Breakfast:  Nothing

Lunch: small DQ burger and fries

Dinner:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

No snacking

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac loop + elliptical every hour for as may times as possible (shortened by lost time), hopefully, strength training once my stomach settles

Day 17: Looking back over the last 16 days of writing, what patterns or understandings can I now see about myself, food and my body?

I don't really have a very high opinion of myself for a variety of reasons which has contributed to my inability to control myself around food and stick to a plan. I've put too much stock in what other people think of me and I've let it control what I think of myself.  I've also let my past and my health conditions rule my life.  I've learned that I need to work on my mind if I want to successfully control my appetites and my body.I give up far too easily.  I need to be proud of what I've accomplished instead of being defeated by what I haven't done yet.

That's it for today.  I'm still playing catch up.  I hope you all have a great day and remember...Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

Day 19 - Weekends are made for rest

I've been beating myself up for not getting in the steps during the weekend.  I'd rather hang out with my husband, relax and have a good time.  So, I've decided I will take weekends off from formal exercise.  Whatever I get done on Saturday and Sunday is just a bonus.  Instead, I will concentrate on aerobic and strength training Monday thru Friday.  I will get some type of aerobic exercise each weekday.  Right now it's walking just to get my body used to moving again nut I'm hoping to get back into my old workout eventually.  Tuesday and Thursday I will also do strength training.  Tuesday will be upper body and abs and Thursday will be lower body and abs.  I will obviously be keeping on plan with food.

Yesterday, I didn't do much as far as exercise but I have continued my cleaning escapade.  All I have left is the laundry room and then to go over all of the light fixtures and fans.  That will keep the house at a reasonably easy to maintain level.  Then I have small projects to do that I can split up into several days.  It's mostly painting.  I need to do both of the outer door frames ( I got a little carried away with the pressure washer and stripped off some paint).  Then I need to fix a hole in a wall caused by a door knob and, after that, just some touch up paint on walls.  I'm sure I will come up with other projects that need to be done as I go along.  All to keep from dying of boredom while looking for a job.

I did well with food yesterday.  The only thing I ate that was off plan was a banana that I ate in the evening because I was legitimately hungry.  I'm getting better at staying on plan, so my next food challenge will be to start changing what I'm eating.  I want to see how I can change up recipes to include more veggies.  I actually love veggies but, as I previously mentioned, I'm not much of a cook so that's my biggest challenge. 

So, my food plan for today is:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: leftover enchilada casserole

Dinner:  I'm not sure actually.  It's my husband's game night so I'm not preparing anything.  I ccan either eat more casserole (which is kind of boring) or I may roast some brussel sprouts.  not really a plan but I will make sure I eat something reasonable

Snack:  Cherries or melon

Exercise:  My loop and then the elliptical x 5 (I'm expanding it to 7 minutes each now)

Day 16: Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What did I learn about food and body from my mother?

Well, I always tell everyone my mom was organic before that was a thing.  She was very much into eating healthy food (she loved fruits and veggies and has always been a great gardener - something I did not inherit from her).  I don't remember her ever saying anything about my body (or hers) but I was always a thin and healthy kid.  I didn't start to gain weight until after my son was born.  The only problem I think was caused by my mom was she was a little too restrictive about food.  I wasn't allowed fast food, sugary cereals, frozen food, etc. So, when I turned 18, I kind of lost my mind.  I ate at Taco Bell and drank soda all of the time.  My childhood was also kind of a mish-mash though.  My dad also liked healthy food but he loved junk food.  So, on the one hand, my mom pushed for healthy food but, on the other, my dad would let us have soda and candy.   I think that's probably why I eat junk food and feel guilty about it even as I'm eating it. 😕

So, any who, that's all for the day.  I hope everyone has a great day and always remember...the first wealth is health.

Day 17 & 18 - Another day of catch up

I'm doubling up on posts again but this time it wasn't for anything fun like my husband's birthday.  I've been having some pain and it's been derailing me a bit. 

Friday, I was still having pain in my right hip and lower groin but my body decided to throw terrible cramps as well.  I was nearly doubled over in pain. Nice,eh? I had an endometrial ablation last year because I was having my period every two weeks and it was so heavy I couldn't sleep for the first three days (the joys of peri-menopause).  My options were the ablation or a hysterectomy and, since there was no health reason to be ripping body parts out, I went with the ablation.  It stopped the heavy bleeding and I was no longer losing sleep but I was still having my period every two weeks because we were trying to balance my thyroid levels and we weren't having any success.  The problem with the ablation is it has made cramps so much worse. It's terrible but there is nothing that can be done about it except the hysterectomy and I'm not doing that unless I have to do it. I used a mix of DoTerra clary sage, lavender, geranium and frankincense and applied it to my lower abdomen.  It helped to relieve the cramps and by the afternoon,  I was just dealing with the hip and the groin but nothing seemed to work for that.

Alright, so that derailed exercise completely.  I also was upset because it was Friday and I did my weekly weigh in. I lost exactly nothing.  I didn't gain anything either but I was actually the exact same weight I was the previous week.  That was very upsetting because this is only the second week of doing this and I had done so well with food and exercise this week.  That ruined the whole day for me because I was looking forward to moving more pebbles from the weight to lose jar to the weight lost jar.  I wanted to just give up because this is always what happens.  My body just doesn't want to lose weight for some reason.  So, Friday evening I went out and got french fries and a Blizzard.  Fail!!

I didn't give up.  Yesterday, I still wasn't able to do my walking because my hip and groin still hurt,  I'm not going to push it because, the last time I did that, I ended up making the injury worse.  I did continue on with my deep clean of the house, so I did get some movement in.  I did well with my food though.  Because of my late time snack attack I didn't eat breakfast  I did have cherries and a granola bar late morning though.  I had left over crock pot chicken wings for lunch and made enchilada casserole for dinner.  I had a small slice of that and that was it for the day.  No snacking.

Today my plan is:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: Leftover enchilada casserole

Dinner:  Nacho-less nachos

Exercise: Cul-de-sac loop and elliptical

I plan on adding strength training on Tuesdays and Thursdays this week.  I really don't enjoy strength training but it's necessary.

So, continuing with the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge: (two questions to make up for yesterday.

,

 Day 14: What are my biggest daily challenges with food and body?

I get discouraged easily, especially when it comes to weight loss. I never do anything half way, so when I don't see progress, I just want to quit.  My other challenge is accepting myself for where I am at.  I always expect to be able to anything I choose, so when I can't it frustrates me.  I need to learn to meet myself where I am at.

Day 15:  If I didn't have these problems, how would my life be different?
I know that weight isn't my only problem but, if I were to be at my goal weight and felt healthy, I would have a little more self-confidence.  I would be able to go enjoy life more.  I'm too ashamed to be seen by my friends, so I don't go anywhere or see them.  I don't have pictures of myself because it's too embarrassing.  I'm basically hiding from life.

 Alright, that's it for today.  I hope you all have a great day and always remember....Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.

Day 16 - Ow!!

Short but sweet.  Wednesday night I started having sharp muscle spasms in my groin area on the right side.  At first I thought it was a menstrual thing but it was too low and closer to my hip than my abdomen.  So, I thought maybe I pulled a muscle while on the elliptical. I had been trying to stand up straighter on the elliptical because my hip was already bothering me. I decided that I needed to skip the elliptical for the day but I still did my loop around the cul-de-sac and continued on my cleaning escapade. 

I stuck with my food plan (I did have a banana for a snack) and I worked on other things like reading for a class I'm taking so that I wouldn't eat myself through the day. 

Alright, food plan for today is:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: Leftover tune noodle casserole

Dinner:  Baked chicken and brussel sprouts

Exercise:  Walk and elliptical

Day 13 of Emotional Easting 30 Day Journal Challenge

When I look in the mirror I feel...

embarrassed, horrified and sad.  I can't believe I let it get this bad.  I don't recognize the person I see in the mirror.  I've always carried a little extra weight but it's never been like this.  I know I ate my way through the last two years of stress, fear and sadness.  I was lost and afraid and I didn't seem to matter at the time.  I hope to recover what I've lost and to gain some self-respect and elf-love.

Anyway, that's it for today.  Have a wonderful day and always remember...to love yourself is to understand you don't need to be perfect to be good.

Day 15: Apparently, you can get writers block while journaling

I think I'm just tired. 

Yesterday, was good. I got quite a bit done and managed to fit in my exercise as well.  I've been going through each room in my house and doing a deep clean since I have the time.  Dusting, wiping down walls and cabinets, mopping, bleaching tubs and toilets, all the fun stuff.  I'm still enjoying playing with my essential oils.  My lemon oil cleaner smells fabulous and does a wonderful job cleaning my glass and mirrors.  My oregano oil seems to work well.  The smell is powerful but it smells like your making pasta whenever you use it.  I'm going to start making roller bottles with my other oils (lavender, frankincense, peppermint and a couple others). 

I made tuna noodle casserole last night. It turned out okay.  We haven't been able to find GF rotini so I had to use Penne.  It's not as good because, for some reason, it makes the casserole dry.  I'm going to have to go to my friend Amazon and order rotini from them.

Alright, that's all I have for today.  The brain just doesn't want to cooperate today.

Today's food plan:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: leftover chile verde

Dinner:  Crock Pot Chicken Wings

Snacks: Berries or banana (out of melon)

Exercise:  The cul-de-sac and elliptical

Dear body: I love you because...

(I have to think about this because my body and I have a love/hate relationship)...you haven't given up on me after all of the things I've put you through.  You've taught me lessons that were hard but I needed to learn them to improve our relationship. I'm goig to take better care of you because, without you, there is no me.

So, any who, that's all the brain I have for today.  I hope you all have a wonderful day and always remember...to love yourself is to understand you don't need to be perfect to be good 

Day 14 - 2 weeks down!!

Wow!  I can't believe I've actually been keeping up with this.  I've never kept up with journaling. I've had it recommended to me for a variety of reasons over the years but I just never stick with it.  I still really think it's the online thing because I'm always on the computer.

So, yesterday went very well. I'm beginning to have more good days.  I still have another weekend to face in a couple of days and that's my continuing struggle. I can't worry about that though.  Think positive!!

I started the day by doing my lap around the cul-de-sac as usual.  Then I had to do a deep clean on my bathroom and dust and mop my bedroom.  That was 3500 steps on it's own.  Then I continued with the 6 minutes every hour on the elliptical because it's still too hot to walk outside.  I forgot to set my timer one time so I only did 4 rounds instead of 5 and only had 4.47 miles.  I really wish my Fitbit did a better job of keeping track on the steps on the elliptical but it's not that important.

Because I was trying to get the cleaning done first thing in the morning, I didn't eat breakfast.  I ended up eating more of a brunch meal.  I had chili verde for lunch and then realized I had had that for my last three meals.  I probably shouldn't do that.  I didn't have another meal until dinner but I did eat some goldendew melon as a snack.  I forgot to buy an ingredient for the tuna noodle casserole, so my hubby made hamburgers.  I had a small one and that was really all I needed.  I've noticed that my appetite is adjusting to smaller meals and not eating constantly, so I'm not always starving. I've also noticed that my tummy has gone down.  While that's not necessarily weight loss, it is a sign that inflammation may be reducing (probably because a significant cut in junk food/sugar).  I also noticed I'm getting fewer headaches.  Normally, I have headaches all the time.  I noticed this yesterday because I actually got a headache and then I realized I hadn't taken any Tylenol or Advil for days.  The headache turned out to be a menstrual headache.  Totally normal for me.  Instead of rushing to the pain meds, I tried using peppermint essential oil.  I recently learned that if I put a couple of drops on my temples and across my forehead and up the back of my neck.  I wasn't expecting too much but it worked.  My menstrual headaches usually last for at least a couple of days but this wiped it out in about 30 minutes.  Peppermint essential oil is my new best friend.  😁

Today's plans are:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch:  Leftover chicken wings

Dinner:  Tuna Noodle Casserole

Snacks:  Cherries, banana or melon

Exercise:  The loop and then the elliptical

Day 11 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journaling Challenge

If I could take a magic pill and have my dream body, what would it be?

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy!!  I would be at my goal weight with nicely defined muscles (especially my arms because I've always been uncomfortable showing my arms).  I would be tan (I know. But I've always liked being tan). I would be comfortable in clothing that doesn't hide my body and I would be very proud of my accomplishments.

That's all for today.  I hope you all have a great day and always remember...things become possible if you want them bad enough.

Day 13 - I'm really starting to enjoy this!!

I have finally found a way to journal that I will actually do.  Doing this online is keeping me honest, is keeping me accountable, and I'm starting to enjoy this.  It's letting me see what progress I'm making and that's awesome!!

So, yesterday worked out well.  I ended up not cooking so I just had leftover chili verde for dinner as well.  And, yes, I'm a terrible creature of habit so I pretty much eat the same thing until I'm just so sik of it that I can't eat it anymore.  It stems from my dislike for cooking.  It's just not something I enjoy.  I do it because I don't like eating out all of the time and I am not a fan of fast food.

I finally figured out a way that I can walk and avoid the outside world (which seems to be on fire at the moment).

 So, I was doing a lap around my property every 45 minutes to an hour.  It takes me about 5-6 minutes to do a lap.  Instead, I have decided to do 6 minutes on my elliptical every hour.  Yesterday, I did a total of 30 minutes for a total of 5.74 miles.  I still did my morning lap around the cul-de-sac which is about 1500-1600 steps.  The only bummer is my Fitbit doesn't record steps on the elliptical accurately because it's too smooth.  That's okay though.  I'm getting exercise.  That's all that matters.

So, my food plan for the day:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola, and chia seeds.

Lunch:  chili verde

Dinner:  Tuna noodle casserole

Snacks (if needed):  cherries, banana or melon

Exercise:  lap around the cul-de-sac, elliptical every hour for six minutes

 

Day 10 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What is my body?  How do I connect food and body?

I'm not sure how I should answer this because I'm a molecular biologist.  So, there's a scientific explanation, a religious explanation and a more metaphysical explanation.  I know people expect scientists to always go with a scientific explanation  and to pooh pooh anything else.  However, there are a lot of us that lean toward the metaphysical because it combines science and spirituality. My favorite saying is "I'm an energetic body having a physical experience."  It just makes so much sense to me,  Our bodies are mostly energetic and energy knows no bounds so, essentially we are all one.  Energy is also never created or destroyed so we are eternal.  Anyway, I guess that's my answer for that.  I'm not sure how to apply this to emotional eating.  The food and body connection is an easier one for me.  Food is our fuel.  Without it the body deteriorates and will eventually die.  I guess that's all I really have to say about that.

Any who, I hope you all have a fabulous day and always remember...You are never alone. You are eternally connected with everyone. ( Amit Ray, Meditation: Insights and Inspirations)

Day 12 - Weekends Are Hard

Weekends have, traditionally, been down time for my husband and I.  We both push through the week and by Friday, we're wiped out.  Now that I'm trying to be healthier and lose weight, that makes the weekends difficult.  I just want to hang out with my husband and rest.  While I'm not working right now, that doesn't mean I'm not still pushing through the week.  I'm job hunting, looking into other avenues of employment/self-employment, cleaning the house, getting my walking in, etc. etc.  I'm sure you all understand.  This weekend was tough because I was not feeling energetic at all.  I  managed the morning loop but didn't do any other "official" exercise.  It's miserably hot right now and that's not going to change until midweek so I was not interested in going outside and I just couldn't get into walking on my elliptical.  That's silly.  The elliptical is in my living room so I could just load up a podcast or watch a show on Netflix while I'm walking.  I'm also having a problem with my right hip (I injured it a long time ago) but that's easy to fix. A little Deep Blue Rub and a heating pad and I'm good to go in about a half an hour. Basically, I was making excuses to just sit on my butt all weekend.  I only got about 2500 steps in on Saturday and Sunday.

I actually did better this weekend with food than the previous weekend but it still wasn't on plan entirely. Breakfast is always the easiest meal of the day.  Lunch is not super hard but can be challenging depending on my mood.  Yesterday, I got thrown a curve ball at lunch.  My plan was leftover Pasta in meat sauce.  I use GF pasta and my husband bought a new type to try that was made from chickpeas.  The initial meal wasn't too bad, even though it was a little weird.  Reheated, however, it was so gross.  It did not reheat well at all.  I took a couple of bites and tossed it.  Blech!!  I was unsure what to eat instead, so I just had a granola bar. Surprisingly, it held me over until just about dinner time but I was ravenous by dinner.  I know PNP pushes to eat only when you're hungry and not to wait to long to eat when you're hungry but I eat on a schedule for medication reasons. I probably could have fit in some cherries or melon so that I wasn't so hungry by dinner.   So, I ate my planned dinner but then I ended up eating cheese and crackers as well because I got too hungry.  Fail!! I'm going to have to continue working on my weekends until I can routinely follow what I've planned.

So, today my plans are:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: leftover chile verde

Dinner:  If I cook (Monday's are my husband's game nights with his buddies so its just me)  I will probably make something easy like tuna noodle casserole.  That will give me a chance to experiment a bit to make it a little healthier. Otherwise, I'll probably just eat leftovers.

Snack (if needed): fruit (berries, banana or melon)

Exercise: walking (either outside or on the elliptical)

Day 9 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge:

If my emotional eating has a message, what is it trying to tell me?

Hmm.  This one is tough.  My first thought is it is trying to tell me that I am avoiding pain (whether that's emotional, psychological or physical).  Instead of facing things, I'm hiding behind food.  It also is probably telling me that I'm hiding from the world.  If I stay overweight, I'm too embarrassed to be seen by people and that allows me to hide in my little insulated world.  I think that stems from anxiety and depression which feeds back into my initial thought that I'm eating to avoid pain.  So, it creates a vicious circle. I need to allow myself to feel pain and work my way through it.  Otherwise, that pain will never go away.

Okay, well that's all for today.  I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday and remember ...Without pain, there would be no suffering, without suffering we would never learn from our mistakes.