Day 22: God give me strength

Yesterday actually went well. I got in all of my planned exercise and stuck with my food plan.  The problem that I am having now is sleep.  I'm a chronic insomniac and I take two medications to help.  I take one to put me to sleep and one to keep me asleep.  Yes. I'm one of those lucky people that has both problems. I can't go to sleep and then I can't stay asleep once I do fall asleep.  That's causing me to sleep in late (still unemployed so I can get away with that for now). That's messing up the rest of my day though.  I'm starting out behind.  I'm trying to keep up with exercise, housekeeping, job hunting, studying for travel agency certification (I'm trying to change my careers.  I'm tired of the instability of working at universities) AND I've decided to go ahead and try working with DoTerra. I love their products and maybe I can do something with it. I know.  It's an MLM but I'm having a good time with their products, so why not and it cost me nothing to change from a customer to an advocate.  I'm getting a little desperate honestly.

Today, I found out the results of my blood work and I'm frustrated to be honest.  We've spent 2 years trying different medications and different dosages and nothing seems to be working.  We ended up putting me back on a dose that was too much before and hoping for the best.  Well, the results came back out of the range where I feel well but my doctor is insisting that we keep this dose because "nothing else is working".  Be grateful if you don't have a chronic illness.  You find out really quickly how not helpful doctors can be.  So, now I have to talk to my other doctor because that is what is interfering with my sleep and see if he'll help me.  I honestly am not holding out much hope.  I just don't trust doctors anymore.

Anyway, not in a great mood today but I'm going to keep moving forward.

My food plan today is:

Breakfast: Greek yogurt with GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: leftover Enchilada Casserole

Dinner: leftover chili verde

Snack (if needed):  cherries and/or melon

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac loop, 5 rounds on the elliptical at 7 minutes each and strength training

Day 19 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge:

Where do I practice forgiveness in my life?  Where could I give more?

That's an easy answer.  I don't and, yes, I know that's not healthy.  I have tried in the past to forgive those who have done wrong but the problem is, when I do forgive someone and then someone else does something, I tend to throw out all forgiveness and have to start again.  I'm an abuse survivor and because of that I have a very hard time trusting people at all. So, when someone does something to me , in my mind, they've only proven me right.  I'm unsure how I can give more when I have a hard time giving it at all. And, yes, I have gone through therapy off and on for years.  I don't get much out of it really.  I think I need to start with learning to forgive myself and to learn how to see me as I am and not me as others have told me I am. 

Okay, that's enough of that.  It's not a happy topic for me.  I hope you all have a great day and remember...(here's one I need to remember)... You must love yourself. You have to forgive yourself, everyday, whenever you remember a shortcoming, a flaw, you have to tell yourself "That's just fine".