Day 30 - Why is the scale not moving!!!

So, yesterday went well, I ate according to plan with one exception.  I changed out leftovers for dinner to chicken noodle soup.  Totally fine.  I was starving and I was getting nauseated so the soup sounded better.  I got in most of the exercise I had planned.  I'm having a hard time getting 5 rounds on the elliptical in because sometimes I forget to reset my timer but I'm regularly getting in 4. I ended up a little congested last night and I figured out a little magic trick.  If I put a drop or two of Eucalyptus oil on each side of my nose, it clears right up almost immediately.  That's wonderful because I used to use Afrin which is very addictive.


DoTerra Essential Oils

Today started out badly.  I woke up at 3:00am and could not go back to sleep, so I got up at 4:00am.  Then I weighed in since it's Friday.  Once again, I have lost nothing and that pisses me off.  I've worked hard for the last 30 days and I've lost a grand total for ~6 pounds.  It hardly seems worth the effort.  I know that the fact I'm having my period every two weeks it probably part of the problem but I'm still pissed off.  I'll keep going because 6 is better than nothing but it's really annoying seeing all of these other women eliminating McDonald's at lunch or not drinking as much soda and losing 30 pounds in 90 days.  I really hate this shit.

So, today my plan is:

Breakfast:  Nature Valley granola bars

Lunch: leftover nacho-less nachos

Dinner:  tuna noodle casserole

Snacks: cherries or melon

Exercise:  We'll see.  I'm already exhausted but I'm going to try to do my loop and try to get some elliptical work in.  If I have the energy, I'll do strength training.  I'm probably going to take a nap at some point.

Day 27 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge
What do I wish I'd done differently? Why? What would be different now?

That's a pretty open ended question.  There are many things I wish I had done differently in my life.  I guess as far as food goes, I wish I had chosen to address my feelings (probably with a therapist) so that I could deal with the horrible things we went through in the last 2 years instead of eating my way through it.  The why is easy.  I would be stronger physically and emotionally.  I wouldn't have chronic tachycardia.  I figure once the weight comes off and I get back into shape, my heart rate will drop to a more normal range for me.  What would be different?  My self-confidence wouldn't be in a tailspin.  My husband and I would have a more normal relationship and we would be able to get out more often just to spend quality time together instead of plopping down in front of the TV every night until we pass out for the night.

Alright, that's all I have the brain power to do day.  I hope you all have a great day and remember...

Day 29 - Get thee behind me brownies!!

Okay. So I obviously ate two brownies off plan last night  I'm really annoyed with myself because that's the second time since Saturday that I have eaten some craptastic junk food. 😞 I'm not going to concentrate on this step backward though.  I got a lot of steps in yesterday because of housework and I tried something new on the elliptical.  I put my Fibit around my ankle to see if it tracked my steps better.😂  It still wasn't accurate but it did record more steps than it did on my wrist.  The only pain in the butt part is I have to remove the strap on one side to get it on my ankle but, hey, more steps is more steps right?

Today, I'm sticking to my plan damn it!! I'm nervous today though.  Not because of food but because my doctor is taking me of my antidepressant and today is my first day without it.  I've already got the withdrawal headache (this is why I HATE taking this stuff in the first place).  I've taken preemptive Tylenol and Aleve.  I'm also using my peppermint essential oil ( I diluted 5 drops in fractionated coconut oil into a small 2 ounce roller ball bottle). Peppermint oil works great, by the way.  Roll a little on our temples, across your forehead and up the back of you neck  I have headaches all the time and I don't like taking so much Tylenol and Aleve, so this is a great alternative. I can also put a drop under my tongue for the nausea that will be coming.  I'm mostly nervous because I have severe depression and, while I am taking two different drugs that act as mood stabilizers, it still scares me that this will throw me into a tailspin. I'm prepping my diffuser with some Citrus Bliss, lavender and cedarwood to help maintain my mood as well.

DoTerra Essential Oils

So, today's plan (hopefully I won't be derailed by the lack of antidepressant thing):

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch:  leftover chili verde

Dinner:  leftover homemade burger

Snack:  Cherries

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac lap and Elliptical 5 times at 8 minutes a round and today I'm doing the living room cleaning.

Day 26 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What 3 things am I grateful for?  What am I most looking forward to?

I am grateful for my very supportive husband.  He's always there when I need him.  I am grateful that I have this time to concentrate on myself.  I may be out of a job but, while I'm looking for a new position, I have this time to concentrate on me.  I'm also grateful to the ladies in the PNP groupies group on FB.  Their always there when you need a boost and everyone is so helpful when you have a question.

I am most looking forward to being able to keep up once all the weight is gone.  I still wear out pretty easily, so it will be nice to not always have to make tentative plans and wait to see if I can do it the day of the event.  I'm also looking forward to fitting back in my clothes.  I've kept them all even though it really hasn't helped with my self-confidence.  Now, I look at it as a goal to fit in my nice clothes and not feel like I need to hide behind baggy clothes.

Okay.  So that's my plan for the day.  I hope you have a wonderful day and always remember...What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.

Day 28 - You want lots of steps? Have 4 dogs and 4 cats

So, I'm feeling better today.  No grouchiness this morning! I asked everyone in the PNP Groupies group on FB what they thought about my menstrual issues and they came with an overwhelming opinion of removing the offending organ.  I'm still a little sketchy about it.  I've never had a major surgery.  So, now, talk to my gynecologist and see what happens. This getting older thing is for the birds.  😁

So, I did well with my food plan yesterday but I had given myself he day off from exercise.  By yesterday evening, however, I was feeling antsy so I did 15 minutes on the elliptical.  Some is better than none.

Today, I'm trying to get caught up on housework.  I've been trying to schedule too much for myself and so I'm, actually, falling behind on just about everything. But, there's nothing like a ton of housework to get steps in.  My house requires constant dusting, sweeping and mopping because of my sweet babies (I love my dogs and cats like children) and I'm very picky about my bathrooms.  The best way to get exercise, apparently, is lose your job, let your housekeeper go and maintain everything yourself. 😅

So, today my food plan is:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch:  leftover chili verde and melon

Dinner:  Crock pot chicken wings

Snacks:  cherries

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac lap, strength training, housework and at least a couple of rounds on the elliptical.  Phew!!

Day 25 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

Looking back over the past 24 days of writing, what patterns or understandings can I now see about the emotional side of my emotional eating?

I'm, apparently, not overly fond of myself and those destructive feelings are what leads to my eating my emotions.  I've taken to heart things that others, who should have been there for me, said about me which led to my lack of self worth. I need to work on my self confidence.  I need to change my mental dialogue so that, when I'm beating myself up, I change those words into something more positive.  I also need to work on not taking on others problems.  I cannot fix everything for everyone.  That's their job not mine. When I want to eat, I need to check in with myself and see if I'm really hungry or if I'm just in a "mood".  This is going to be an ongoing process for me.  It's not going to be easy to fix because this goes back for a large portion of my life.

Alright, that's all for today.  I hope everyone has a great day and always remember...you, yourself as much as anyone else in the universe, deserves your love and affection. 

Day 27 - Somedays it's just not worth getting out of bed

Today, I just woke up grouchy.  I think my period is starting to happening every 2 weeks again and it's definitely affecting my mood.  I swear, if they could give me a physical reason to have a hysterectomy, at this point, I would do it. I just can't justify ripping out an organ that's otherwise healthy.  I'm also still having sleep issues and my doctors are just useless.  So, I'll get done what I get done and everything else will wait.

So, yesterday was fine even though I didn't get everything I wanted done done.  I got about half of what I wanted to do done, which works.  I tend to over-schedule myself anyway. I ate my plan and got in most of my exercise.  I missed one round of elliptical but not a big deal. I really wish my Fitbit recorded my elliptical steps better though.  I did about 6 miles yesterday which would be about 12000 steps but it only records about 3600 of those steps, which is a bummer. Apparently, they have a new one that is more accurate but it's about $300.  A little bit out of my range right now.

All right, so today's plan:

Breakfast:  The standard Greek yogurt

Lunch:  I'm craving chicken noodle soup (weird for summer but whatever)

Dinner: homemade burgers

Snack:  cherries or melon

Exercise:  I did my cul-de-sac loop but I'm just not feeling spry and lively today, which means, once again, I'm missing strength training.  I'm at the F it portion of the day.  Meh!

 
Day 24 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What would it mean if I were good enough?

Is today the BEST day for this question?  Ugh.  Well, actually it probably is.  If I thought I was good enough it wouldn't bother me so much when I had off days.  I wouldn't feel like I was a bad person most of the time. I would recognize the fact that I had accomplished quite a bit given my beginnings and my health issues.  I would realize that the small changes I've made are going to add up to something big.  I would have way more faith in myself and my abilities. I would be happier and more relaxed instead of stressed out and confused.  Okay.  That's enough for now.

Alright,  that's it for today.  I hope everyone has a great day and remember...believe in yourself and you will be unstoppable.

Day 26 - Another day another lesson

So, this will probably be short.  Yesterday was a good day.  I stuck to my plan.  It was Sunday, so it was my day off from formal exercise.  We pretty much just hung out together and finished watching series that we had found.  My husband finished his show Wu Assassin while I worked on yesterday's blog post and then I finished Outlander, which, by the way, is an awesome show.  😃

My lesson yesterday was, since I had eliminated so much sugar from my diet these last few weeks, slipping and eating those cookies Saturday night was a horrible idea.  It gave me terrible heartburn (and I had just started getting it to let up after forgetting to take my medicine for 2 days).  I ended up using my normal medication (omeprazole), my essential oil blend and then I borrowed some of my son's heartburn medication (ranitidine).  So, lesson, sugar is bad. 

Sleep last night was horrible.  I didn't go to sleep until after 11:00, which is very late for me and the only reason I fell asleep then was because I gave in and took Benadryl.  I'm tired today, which makes life a little more challenging but I'm going to try to get everything on my list done.  Hopefully, that will wear me out and I'll be able to sleep better tonight.

So, today's food plan:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch:  leftover enchilada casserole (it's almost gone so I'll get something new for lunch soon 😁)

Dinner:  It's my husband's game night so, probably, leftover nacho-less nachos

Snacks:  cherries or melon

Exercise My normal morning lap around the cul-de-sac (it's stormy here today but it stopped just long enough for me to do it) and 5 rounds of the elliptical at 8 minutes per round (I increased it by one minute from last week)

Day 23 of the Emotional Eatig 30 Day Journal Challenge

What advice would older me like to tell "now" me?

Hmm.  I think older me (based on what I've learned from listening to people older than me) would want me to know that life isn't a race.  I don't always have to be first.  I need to listen to my body or it will fight back.  If I'm tired, I should rest not push through just for the sake of pushing through.  I need to concentrate on what I think of me, not what others think of me.  One of the best lines I've ever heard is : It's none of my business what others think of me.  Health is worth it.  I will appreciate what I am doing for myself now so much more in the future when people I know who haven't done this are in bad shape and I'm still bouncing around like my younger self.  And enjoy life now.  There are no do-overs.

Alright, that's it for today.  I hope everyone has a great day and remember...You'll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.   

Day 24 and 25 - The struggle continues

I've been so busy playing catch up for the last week, it's been hard to keep up with this.  So, it's another double post today.

Friday went pretty well.  I ate according to my plan and got all of my exercise in.  Later that evening, though, things changed.  I have GERD and I take omeprazole daily to keep the heartburn at bay.  Well, when I filled my pill boxes for the week two days before, I forgot to put it in there.  I ended up with wicked heartburn.  I took the omeprazole as soon as I figured it out, took several rounds of Pepto and even used my essential oils (2 drops of lemon, 2 drops of peppermint and 3 drops of sandalwood in 1 tbsp of fractionated coconut oil - rub clockwise over breast bone). Surprisingly, the essential oils worked better than the other meds but still didn't knock it completely out because I had missed the omeprazole for 2 days at that point. Another trick, I was taught some time ago was a vanilla milkshake.  It has to be vanilla.  For whatever reason, it works every time.  So, definitely not on plan but I'm being a little lenient on this one because I couldn't lay down to sleep because it got worse when I tried.

Yesterday, didn't quite go as planned.  I wanted to do a second day of strength training because I only did it once for the week instead of twice, like I had planned.  I couldn't do it, however, because the first day I pushed too hard and my left elbow hurt.  I couldn't even straighten my arm yesterday.  And, I woke up late again so breakfast was at about 10:00, which threw me off for the rest of the day. Then, instead of getting chores done, I ended up chatting with my son's girlfriend for about 2 hours.  I do not regret that though.  I haven't had a chance to get to know her but she is super sweet and has my son's best interests at heart.  So, yeah, I like her.  But, I forgot lunch until it was too late.  I ended up snacking on melon instead of eating something real for lunch.  This always leads to bad choices and I need to learn to stop doing that.  I stuck to my dinner plan but, after that, I ate 6 cookies.  Definitely not the plan and, definitely, all on me.  I didn't have to do it.  And I actually screwed up my sleep because of it.  Dumb move!

So today it's back on track.  My plan is:

Breakfast:  4 strips of bacon and 2 eggs

Lunch: leftover enchilada casserole (every time I eat this I eat smaller portions to see hw much I actually need to feel satisfied)

Dinner:  Chicken and veggies

Snacks: cherries or melon

Sunday is my day of of exercise so, whatever I get in is a bonus.

Day 21 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

I feel most at peace and connected when I...because..

I feel most at peace and connected when I have time to just chill out with my husband and my dogs because it lets me recharge after a busy day/week.  If you can't tell, I'm really into animals and my dogs and cats are my fur kids.  And, of course, I like hanging out with my husband. We love finding movies or shows to binge watch when we just want to relax.

Day 22 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What advise would I like to give younger me?

I could go on forever with this one but the big ones are, quit eating so much junk food.  Learn to cook more healthy for myself and my son. You're not as fat as you think.  Don't stress about every little thing or you'll destroy your poor body.  Spend more time playing with your son because it goes by too fast.  Think before you act and on...and on...and on...

If only we could actually do that but, I guess, since we can't, we can look at it as gaining wisdom as we get older.

Alright, so I'm off to the races again.  I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday and always remember...Life is too short, time is too precious, and the stakes are too high to dwell on what might have been.

Day 23 - Happy Friday!!

Yesterday turned out to be a roller coaster but it proved to me how far I've already come.  I already said my blood work to recheck my thyroid came back out of range but my doctor didn't want to change it.  So, because leaving it like this is going to continue to mess with my sleep, I had to call my other doctor to try to get help from him.  They're both with the same group so he had access to my blood work and agreed with me that it was not where it should be.  But, instead of changing up the meds that help me sleep, he decided the best course of action was to take me off my antidepressant because it could be revving me up.  First of all, I take it in the morning ( and I have done so for years) and it has never caused me to have a problem with my sleep.  Second, I have severe depression and it's dangerous to mess with the meds that keep me balanced. After trying to get them to listen to me (you know - the one that has to live with this), I finally just gave up.  I'm scared to do this because of the terrible things I've gone through in the past because of the depression.  Now, I have to wait for a month and a half to see either one of these people to legitimately fix this problem. 

Now, for the positive part of this cluster, I ate according to my plan and I still got all my exercise in, including the strength training. So, all in all, I was pretty proud of myself. I'm very sore this morning but it's a good sore.  It's an "I finally did it" kind of sore.  I was surprised too.  I haven't lost as much of my upper body strength as I thought.  I did seem to lose about all of my core strength though. I accomplished maybe half of the 20 minute core strength video (TurboFire for anyone who's interested).

AND, last but not least, today is Friday, which is the only day I allow myself to weigh in and I am down another 2.2 pounds.  I got to move another 2 pebbles from the weight to lose jar to the weight lost jar.  That visual really does help.  Thanks again to whoever shared that.

So, that's all for today.  My food plan is:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch:  leftover chili verde

Dinner:  leftover enchilada casserole ( we have a lot of leftovers right now, so we're working our way through those)

Snacks: cherries or melon

Exercise: the cul-de-sac loops and 5 rounds of the elliptical (7 minutes each)

 Day 20 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

Write down everything in life that gives me pleasure or joy.  What in my life makes me feel alive and energized?

Well, first off, I already mentioned my dogs and cats.  They are my joy because they stick with me on good days and bad.  Reading and learning also gives me pleasure.  I love learning new things (I'm a perpetual student).  I do, actually, like exercise.  It makes me feel strong and I feel proud of myself, especially on days I really don't want to do it.  I love hanging out with my husband and my son.  They're my favorite people  I love a good adventure.  I haven't had one in a long time.  I definitely need to schedule that.  I don't know if that's everything in live that brings me joy but those are the most significant ones.

So, that's all for today.  I have to get moving.  I hope you all have a happy Friday and always remember...They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.”

Day 22: God give me strength

Yesterday actually went well. I got in all of my planned exercise and stuck with my food plan.  The problem that I am having now is sleep.  I'm a chronic insomniac and I take two medications to help.  I take one to put me to sleep and one to keep me asleep.  Yes. I'm one of those lucky people that has both problems. I can't go to sleep and then I can't stay asleep once I do fall asleep.  That's causing me to sleep in late (still unemployed so I can get away with that for now). That's messing up the rest of my day though.  I'm starting out behind.  I'm trying to keep up with exercise, housekeeping, job hunting, studying for travel agency certification (I'm trying to change my careers.  I'm tired of the instability of working at universities) AND I've decided to go ahead and try working with DoTerra. I love their products and maybe I can do something with it. I know.  It's an MLM but I'm having a good time with their products, so why not and it cost me nothing to change from a customer to an advocate.  I'm getting a little desperate honestly.

Today, I found out the results of my blood work and I'm frustrated to be honest.  We've spent 2 years trying different medications and different dosages and nothing seems to be working.  We ended up putting me back on a dose that was too much before and hoping for the best.  Well, the results came back out of the range where I feel well but my doctor is insisting that we keep this dose because "nothing else is working".  Be grateful if you don't have a chronic illness.  You find out really quickly how not helpful doctors can be.  So, now I have to talk to my other doctor because that is what is interfering with my sleep and see if he'll help me.  I honestly am not holding out much hope.  I just don't trust doctors anymore.

Anyway, not in a great mood today but I'm going to keep moving forward.

My food plan today is:

Breakfast: Greek yogurt with GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: leftover Enchilada Casserole

Dinner: leftover chili verde

Snack (if needed):  cherries and/or melon

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac loop, 5 rounds on the elliptical at 7 minutes each and strength training

Day 19 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge:

Where do I practice forgiveness in my life?  Where could I give more?

That's an easy answer.  I don't and, yes, I know that's not healthy.  I have tried in the past to forgive those who have done wrong but the problem is, when I do forgive someone and then someone else does something, I tend to throw out all forgiveness and have to start again.  I'm an abuse survivor and because of that I have a very hard time trusting people at all. So, when someone does something to me , in my mind, they've only proven me right.  I'm unsure how I can give more when I have a hard time giving it at all. And, yes, I have gone through therapy off and on for years.  I don't get much out of it really.  I think I need to start with learning to forgive myself and to learn how to see me as I am and not me as others have told me I am. 

Okay, that's enough of that.  It's not a happy topic for me.  I hope you all have a great day and remember...(here's one I need to remember)... You must love yourself. You have to forgive yourself, everyday, whenever you remember a shortcoming, a flaw, you have to tell yourself "That's just fine".

Day 21 - Three weeks in

Today is the end of my third week. I can see that I'm making progress in my eating and exercising but I still have quite a way to go to get to my goal.  I'm not eating as much but I haven't really changed the types of food I've been eating.  I'm a terrible creature of habit and I'm not much of a cook, so new meals take up a lot of time initially.  I'm a little frustrated because I don't seem to be getting anywhere weight wise but, part of that has been estrogen and progesterone madness and my thyroid still isn't quite right.  I had my blood drawn again yesterday and I'm hoping it comes back better than before.  We shall see.

So, yesterday seems like it will be my last derailed day this week.  The rest of the week seems pretty easy.  I was going to compensate for my burger and french fry lunch by having yogurt for dinner but I was ravenous (because I didn't have breakfast) so I had a small serving of chili verde instead.  I was able to get in four rounds of the elliptical and I have increased it to 7 minutes per round.  My goal for each day is 5 rounds and I want to increase the time for each round by another minute each week until I get to 10 minutes per round.  I missed strength training yesterday (my plan was to add it to Tuesday and Thursday like I used to do) but I'll be able to get it in tomorrow and then, depending on what ends up going on this weekend, I may do it again on Saturday (even though I said I am taking weekends off).  This will allow me to get that started and then keep to my regular days after this week.

Alright, so this is going to be short today.  I still have quite a bit to catch up on.

My meal plan for today is:

Breakfast: Greek yogurt with GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: Chili Verde

Dinner:  Small homemade burger

Snack: Cherries or melon

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac loop and 5 rounds on the elliptical (total 35 minutes)

Day 18:  Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What do I feel stressed, guilty or angry about?  What do I do with these feelings?
What do I feel joyous, happy and abundant about? What do I do with those feelings?

Right now, I'm all of the above (stressed, guilty and angry) because I lost my job because the lab I work for lost their grant money. I'm super stressed about money.   I'm also feeling a little guilty because I'm not spending all day every day looking for a job.  I feel guilty that I am glad I have this time to do work on myself. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder so I ruminate on stuff like this which leads me to eating anything I can find.  I haven't been doing that as much right now and I completely believe it's because I'm doing this.  I can see what I'm doing to myself, so it's making it easier to stop it when I can see it happening.

My ultimate joy is my dogs and my cats. They're my angels and stick by me,especially when I'm feeling down. They don't care what I look like.  They love me anyway.  I'm trying to practice abundance thinking but it's hard right now, which doesn't help with the whole "positive thinking" idea.  When I am feeling happy, I tend to want to be out and active.  I don't sit and eat my feelings so much.

Okay. So, on with the day.  I hope you all have a wonderful day and...Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything

Day 20: Plan for plans to be derailed

Yesterday, my plans got derailed.  I overslept and was trying to catch up.  I ate my yogurt in a hurry and then went to do my lap around the cul-de-sac.  It was already in the high 80's by 10:30 so by the time I got back I was nauseated. That messed up my elliptical rounds.  By the time I was feeling better, I was so far behind I was playing catch up all day.  Then I had an issue with Verizon which kept me on the phone and then sent me to the store, who then decided I needed to call customer service again.  That took over an hour.  By the time everything was worked out, I had lost my time for elliptical rounds.  I stuck with my food plan though.  My lovely husband even prepared chili verde for dinner for me so I didn't have to figure that out.

My derailment continued into today. So, my food plan got screwed up. I had to go to the UPS store (hopefully, the end of the Verizon escapade) and then to my doctor's office for blood work.  I was trying to get everything done early so that I wouldn't end up behind again.  However, everyone in town needed blood work today so I was at the doctors office for at least an hour. I hadn't eaten breakfast because I didn't think it would take so long.  By the time I was going home it was noon and I was ravenous.  I stopped at DQ on my way home and got a small burger and french fries.  Not the best choice, especially since I don't really eat fast food but I didn't get a huge burger and french fries and a soda.  My stomach doesn't like this choice but I'm still trying to get through a few rounds on my elliptical.

My plan is/was:

Breakfast:  Nothing

Lunch: small DQ burger and fries

Dinner:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

No snacking

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac loop + elliptical every hour for as may times as possible (shortened by lost time), hopefully, strength training once my stomach settles

Day 17: Looking back over the last 16 days of writing, what patterns or understandings can I now see about myself, food and my body?

I don't really have a very high opinion of myself for a variety of reasons which has contributed to my inability to control myself around food and stick to a plan. I've put too much stock in what other people think of me and I've let it control what I think of myself.  I've also let my past and my health conditions rule my life.  I've learned that I need to work on my mind if I want to successfully control my appetites and my body.I give up far too easily.  I need to be proud of what I've accomplished instead of being defeated by what I haven't done yet.

That's it for today.  I'm still playing catch up.  I hope you all have a great day and remember...Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

Day 19 - Weekends are made for rest

I've been beating myself up for not getting in the steps during the weekend.  I'd rather hang out with my husband, relax and have a good time.  So, I've decided I will take weekends off from formal exercise.  Whatever I get done on Saturday and Sunday is just a bonus.  Instead, I will concentrate on aerobic and strength training Monday thru Friday.  I will get some type of aerobic exercise each weekday.  Right now it's walking just to get my body used to moving again nut I'm hoping to get back into my old workout eventually.  Tuesday and Thursday I will also do strength training.  Tuesday will be upper body and abs and Thursday will be lower body and abs.  I will obviously be keeping on plan with food.

Yesterday, I didn't do much as far as exercise but I have continued my cleaning escapade.  All I have left is the laundry room and then to go over all of the light fixtures and fans.  That will keep the house at a reasonably easy to maintain level.  Then I have small projects to do that I can split up into several days.  It's mostly painting.  I need to do both of the outer door frames ( I got a little carried away with the pressure washer and stripped off some paint).  Then I need to fix a hole in a wall caused by a door knob and, after that, just some touch up paint on walls.  I'm sure I will come up with other projects that need to be done as I go along.  All to keep from dying of boredom while looking for a job.

I did well with food yesterday.  The only thing I ate that was off plan was a banana that I ate in the evening because I was legitimately hungry.  I'm getting better at staying on plan, so my next food challenge will be to start changing what I'm eating.  I want to see how I can change up recipes to include more veggies.  I actually love veggies but, as I previously mentioned, I'm not much of a cook so that's my biggest challenge. 

So, my food plan for today is:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: leftover enchilada casserole

Dinner:  I'm not sure actually.  It's my husband's game night so I'm not preparing anything.  I ccan either eat more casserole (which is kind of boring) or I may roast some brussel sprouts.  not really a plan but I will make sure I eat something reasonable

Snack:  Cherries or melon

Exercise:  My loop and then the elliptical x 5 (I'm expanding it to 7 minutes each now)

Day 16: Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What did I learn about food and body from my mother?

Well, I always tell everyone my mom was organic before that was a thing.  She was very much into eating healthy food (she loved fruits and veggies and has always been a great gardener - something I did not inherit from her).  I don't remember her ever saying anything about my body (or hers) but I was always a thin and healthy kid.  I didn't start to gain weight until after my son was born.  The only problem I think was caused by my mom was she was a little too restrictive about food.  I wasn't allowed fast food, sugary cereals, frozen food, etc. So, when I turned 18, I kind of lost my mind.  I ate at Taco Bell and drank soda all of the time.  My childhood was also kind of a mish-mash though.  My dad also liked healthy food but he loved junk food.  So, on the one hand, my mom pushed for healthy food but, on the other, my dad would let us have soda and candy.   I think that's probably why I eat junk food and feel guilty about it even as I'm eating it. 😕

So, any who, that's all for the day.  I hope everyone has a great day and always remember...the first wealth is health.

Day 17 & 18 - Another day of catch up

I'm doubling up on posts again but this time it wasn't for anything fun like my husband's birthday.  I've been having some pain and it's been derailing me a bit. 

Friday, I was still having pain in my right hip and lower groin but my body decided to throw terrible cramps as well.  I was nearly doubled over in pain. Nice,eh? I had an endometrial ablation last year because I was having my period every two weeks and it was so heavy I couldn't sleep for the first three days (the joys of peri-menopause).  My options were the ablation or a hysterectomy and, since there was no health reason to be ripping body parts out, I went with the ablation.  It stopped the heavy bleeding and I was no longer losing sleep but I was still having my period every two weeks because we were trying to balance my thyroid levels and we weren't having any success.  The problem with the ablation is it has made cramps so much worse. It's terrible but there is nothing that can be done about it except the hysterectomy and I'm not doing that unless I have to do it. I used a mix of DoTerra clary sage, lavender, geranium and frankincense and applied it to my lower abdomen.  It helped to relieve the cramps and by the afternoon,  I was just dealing with the hip and the groin but nothing seemed to work for that.

Alright, so that derailed exercise completely.  I also was upset because it was Friday and I did my weekly weigh in. I lost exactly nothing.  I didn't gain anything either but I was actually the exact same weight I was the previous week.  That was very upsetting because this is only the second week of doing this and I had done so well with food and exercise this week.  That ruined the whole day for me because I was looking forward to moving more pebbles from the weight to lose jar to the weight lost jar.  I wanted to just give up because this is always what happens.  My body just doesn't want to lose weight for some reason.  So, Friday evening I went out and got french fries and a Blizzard.  Fail!!

I didn't give up.  Yesterday, I still wasn't able to do my walking because my hip and groin still hurt,  I'm not going to push it because, the last time I did that, I ended up making the injury worse.  I did continue on with my deep clean of the house, so I did get some movement in.  I did well with my food though.  Because of my late time snack attack I didn't eat breakfast  I did have cherries and a granola bar late morning though.  I had left over crock pot chicken wings for lunch and made enchilada casserole for dinner.  I had a small slice of that and that was it for the day.  No snacking.

Today my plan is:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: Leftover enchilada casserole

Dinner:  Nacho-less nachos

Exercise: Cul-de-sac loop and elliptical

I plan on adding strength training on Tuesdays and Thursdays this week.  I really don't enjoy strength training but it's necessary.

So, continuing with the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge: (two questions to make up for yesterday.

,

 Day 14: What are my biggest daily challenges with food and body?

I get discouraged easily, especially when it comes to weight loss. I never do anything half way, so when I don't see progress, I just want to quit.  My other challenge is accepting myself for where I am at.  I always expect to be able to anything I choose, so when I can't it frustrates me.  I need to learn to meet myself where I am at.

Day 15:  If I didn't have these problems, how would my life be different?
I know that weight isn't my only problem but, if I were to be at my goal weight and felt healthy, I would have a little more self-confidence.  I would be able to go enjoy life more.  I'm too ashamed to be seen by my friends, so I don't go anywhere or see them.  I don't have pictures of myself because it's too embarrassing.  I'm basically hiding from life.

 Alright, that's it for today.  I hope you all have a great day and always remember....Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.

Day 16 - Ow!!

Short but sweet.  Wednesday night I started having sharp muscle spasms in my groin area on the right side.  At first I thought it was a menstrual thing but it was too low and closer to my hip than my abdomen.  So, I thought maybe I pulled a muscle while on the elliptical. I had been trying to stand up straighter on the elliptical because my hip was already bothering me. I decided that I needed to skip the elliptical for the day but I still did my loop around the cul-de-sac and continued on my cleaning escapade. 

I stuck with my food plan (I did have a banana for a snack) and I worked on other things like reading for a class I'm taking so that I wouldn't eat myself through the day. 

Alright, food plan for today is:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: Leftover tune noodle casserole

Dinner:  Baked chicken and brussel sprouts

Exercise:  Walk and elliptical

Day 13 of Emotional Easting 30 Day Journal Challenge

When I look in the mirror I feel...

embarrassed, horrified and sad.  I can't believe I let it get this bad.  I don't recognize the person I see in the mirror.  I've always carried a little extra weight but it's never been like this.  I know I ate my way through the last two years of stress, fear and sadness.  I was lost and afraid and I didn't seem to matter at the time.  I hope to recover what I've lost and to gain some self-respect and elf-love.

Anyway, that's it for today.  Have a wonderful day and always remember...to love yourself is to understand you don't need to be perfect to be good.

Day 15: Apparently, you can get writers block while journaling

I think I'm just tired. 

Yesterday, was good. I got quite a bit done and managed to fit in my exercise as well.  I've been going through each room in my house and doing a deep clean since I have the time.  Dusting, wiping down walls and cabinets, mopping, bleaching tubs and toilets, all the fun stuff.  I'm still enjoying playing with my essential oils.  My lemon oil cleaner smells fabulous and does a wonderful job cleaning my glass and mirrors.  My oregano oil seems to work well.  The smell is powerful but it smells like your making pasta whenever you use it.  I'm going to start making roller bottles with my other oils (lavender, frankincense, peppermint and a couple others). 

I made tuna noodle casserole last night. It turned out okay.  We haven't been able to find GF rotini so I had to use Penne.  It's not as good because, for some reason, it makes the casserole dry.  I'm going to have to go to my friend Amazon and order rotini from them.

Alright, that's all I have for today.  The brain just doesn't want to cooperate today.

Today's food plan:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: leftover chile verde

Dinner:  Crock Pot Chicken Wings

Snacks: Berries or banana (out of melon)

Exercise:  The cul-de-sac and elliptical

Dear body: I love you because...

(I have to think about this because my body and I have a love/hate relationship)...you haven't given up on me after all of the things I've put you through.  You've taught me lessons that were hard but I needed to learn them to improve our relationship. I'm goig to take better care of you because, without you, there is no me.

So, any who, that's all the brain I have for today.  I hope you all have a wonderful day and always remember...to love yourself is to understand you don't need to be perfect to be good 

Day 14 - 2 weeks down!!

Wow!  I can't believe I've actually been keeping up with this.  I've never kept up with journaling. I've had it recommended to me for a variety of reasons over the years but I just never stick with it.  I still really think it's the online thing because I'm always on the computer.

So, yesterday went very well. I'm beginning to have more good days.  I still have another weekend to face in a couple of days and that's my continuing struggle. I can't worry about that though.  Think positive!!

I started the day by doing my lap around the cul-de-sac as usual.  Then I had to do a deep clean on my bathroom and dust and mop my bedroom.  That was 3500 steps on it's own.  Then I continued with the 6 minutes every hour on the elliptical because it's still too hot to walk outside.  I forgot to set my timer one time so I only did 4 rounds instead of 5 and only had 4.47 miles.  I really wish my Fitbit did a better job of keeping track on the steps on the elliptical but it's not that important.

Because I was trying to get the cleaning done first thing in the morning, I didn't eat breakfast.  I ended up eating more of a brunch meal.  I had chili verde for lunch and then realized I had had that for my last three meals.  I probably shouldn't do that.  I didn't have another meal until dinner but I did eat some goldendew melon as a snack.  I forgot to buy an ingredient for the tuna noodle casserole, so my hubby made hamburgers.  I had a small one and that was really all I needed.  I've noticed that my appetite is adjusting to smaller meals and not eating constantly, so I'm not always starving. I've also noticed that my tummy has gone down.  While that's not necessarily weight loss, it is a sign that inflammation may be reducing (probably because a significant cut in junk food/sugar).  I also noticed I'm getting fewer headaches.  Normally, I have headaches all the time.  I noticed this yesterday because I actually got a headache and then I realized I hadn't taken any Tylenol or Advil for days.  The headache turned out to be a menstrual headache.  Totally normal for me.  Instead of rushing to the pain meds, I tried using peppermint essential oil.  I recently learned that if I put a couple of drops on my temples and across my forehead and up the back of my neck.  I wasn't expecting too much but it worked.  My menstrual headaches usually last for at least a couple of days but this wiped it out in about 30 minutes.  Peppermint essential oil is my new best friend.  😁

Today's plans are:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch:  Leftover chicken wings

Dinner:  Tuna Noodle Casserole

Snacks:  Cherries, banana or melon

Exercise:  The loop and then the elliptical

Day 11 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journaling Challenge

If I could take a magic pill and have my dream body, what would it be?

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy!!  I would be at my goal weight with nicely defined muscles (especially my arms because I've always been uncomfortable showing my arms).  I would be tan (I know. But I've always liked being tan). I would be comfortable in clothing that doesn't hide my body and I would be very proud of my accomplishments.

That's all for today.  I hope you all have a great day and always remember...things become possible if you want them bad enough.

Day 13 - I'm really starting to enjoy this!!

I have finally found a way to journal that I will actually do.  Doing this online is keeping me honest, is keeping me accountable, and I'm starting to enjoy this.  It's letting me see what progress I'm making and that's awesome!!

So, yesterday worked out well.  I ended up not cooking so I just had leftover chili verde for dinner as well.  And, yes, I'm a terrible creature of habit so I pretty much eat the same thing until I'm just so sik of it that I can't eat it anymore.  It stems from my dislike for cooking.  It's just not something I enjoy.  I do it because I don't like eating out all of the time and I am not a fan of fast food.

I finally figured out a way that I can walk and avoid the outside world (which seems to be on fire at the moment).

 So, I was doing a lap around my property every 45 minutes to an hour.  It takes me about 5-6 minutes to do a lap.  Instead, I have decided to do 6 minutes on my elliptical every hour.  Yesterday, I did a total of 30 minutes for a total of 5.74 miles.  I still did my morning lap around the cul-de-sac which is about 1500-1600 steps.  The only bummer is my Fitbit doesn't record steps on the elliptical accurately because it's too smooth.  That's okay though.  I'm getting exercise.  That's all that matters.

So, my food plan for the day:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola, and chia seeds.

Lunch:  chili verde

Dinner:  Tuna noodle casserole

Snacks (if needed):  cherries, banana or melon

Exercise:  lap around the cul-de-sac, elliptical every hour for six minutes

 

Day 10 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What is my body?  How do I connect food and body?

I'm not sure how I should answer this because I'm a molecular biologist.  So, there's a scientific explanation, a religious explanation and a more metaphysical explanation.  I know people expect scientists to always go with a scientific explanation  and to pooh pooh anything else.  However, there are a lot of us that lean toward the metaphysical because it combines science and spirituality. My favorite saying is "I'm an energetic body having a physical experience."  It just makes so much sense to me,  Our bodies are mostly energetic and energy knows no bounds so, essentially we are all one.  Energy is also never created or destroyed so we are eternal.  Anyway, I guess that's my answer for that.  I'm not sure how to apply this to emotional eating.  The food and body connection is an easier one for me.  Food is our fuel.  Without it the body deteriorates and will eventually die.  I guess that's all I really have to say about that.

Any who, I hope you all have a fabulous day and always remember...You are never alone. You are eternally connected with everyone. ( Amit Ray, Meditation: Insights and Inspirations)

Day 12 - Weekends Are Hard

Weekends have, traditionally, been down time for my husband and I.  We both push through the week and by Friday, we're wiped out.  Now that I'm trying to be healthier and lose weight, that makes the weekends difficult.  I just want to hang out with my husband and rest.  While I'm not working right now, that doesn't mean I'm not still pushing through the week.  I'm job hunting, looking into other avenues of employment/self-employment, cleaning the house, getting my walking in, etc. etc.  I'm sure you all understand.  This weekend was tough because I was not feeling energetic at all.  I  managed the morning loop but didn't do any other "official" exercise.  It's miserably hot right now and that's not going to change until midweek so I was not interested in going outside and I just couldn't get into walking on my elliptical.  That's silly.  The elliptical is in my living room so I could just load up a podcast or watch a show on Netflix while I'm walking.  I'm also having a problem with my right hip (I injured it a long time ago) but that's easy to fix. A little Deep Blue Rub and a heating pad and I'm good to go in about a half an hour. Basically, I was making excuses to just sit on my butt all weekend.  I only got about 2500 steps in on Saturday and Sunday.

I actually did better this weekend with food than the previous weekend but it still wasn't on plan entirely. Breakfast is always the easiest meal of the day.  Lunch is not super hard but can be challenging depending on my mood.  Yesterday, I got thrown a curve ball at lunch.  My plan was leftover Pasta in meat sauce.  I use GF pasta and my husband bought a new type to try that was made from chickpeas.  The initial meal wasn't too bad, even though it was a little weird.  Reheated, however, it was so gross.  It did not reheat well at all.  I took a couple of bites and tossed it.  Blech!!  I was unsure what to eat instead, so I just had a granola bar. Surprisingly, it held me over until just about dinner time but I was ravenous by dinner.  I know PNP pushes to eat only when you're hungry and not to wait to long to eat when you're hungry but I eat on a schedule for medication reasons. I probably could have fit in some cherries or melon so that I wasn't so hungry by dinner.   So, I ate my planned dinner but then I ended up eating cheese and crackers as well because I got too hungry.  Fail!! I'm going to have to continue working on my weekends until I can routinely follow what I've planned.

So, today my plans are:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch: leftover chile verde

Dinner:  If I cook (Monday's are my husband's game nights with his buddies so its just me)  I will probably make something easy like tuna noodle casserole.  That will give me a chance to experiment a bit to make it a little healthier. Otherwise, I'll probably just eat leftovers.

Snack (if needed): fruit (berries, banana or melon)

Exercise: walking (either outside or on the elliptical)

Day 9 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge:

If my emotional eating has a message, what is it trying to tell me?

Hmm.  This one is tough.  My first thought is it is trying to tell me that I am avoiding pain (whether that's emotional, psychological or physical).  Instead of facing things, I'm hiding behind food.  It also is probably telling me that I'm hiding from the world.  If I stay overweight, I'm too embarrassed to be seen by people and that allows me to hide in my little insulated world.  I think that stems from anxiety and depression which feeds back into my initial thought that I'm eating to avoid pain.  So, it creates a vicious circle. I need to allow myself to feel pain and work my way through it.  Otherwise, that pain will never go away.

Okay, well that's all for today.  I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday and remember ...Without pain, there would be no suffering, without suffering we would never learn from our mistakes.

Day 11 - Listen To Your Body

Yesterday was a somewhat uneventful day.  My husband did the grocery shopping and I did laundry and kitchen clean up.  I was good with sticking to my food plan  but we changed out chicken and brussel sprouts for leftovers.  We were both feeling really tired so we just decided to rest.  So we did.
It's taken me a long time to learn to listen to my body.  Normally, I would try to fight through the fatigue but I've learned through lots of trial and error (mostly error) that making my body do what it doesn't have the energy to do does more harm than good.  I have always been the "go-getter" (or at least that what my husband tells me), so sitting still is not something I really enjoy doing.  I feel like I'm wasting time when I have so many other things to do.  Chronic illnesses, however, are nothing if not teachers.  I have spent years of my life trying to learn to function within the restraints that a chronic illness gives you but that was a very hard lesson learned.  In the end, I just made it harder on myself because I was always taught I could do anything and learning that I really couldn't anymore pissed me off to no end.

So, anyway, we kicked back  and caught up on some shows we wanted to see.  I did do some walking but the heat is still really bad and won't be letting up until Wednesday (at least, that's what they're saying today).  I wanted to use my elliptical but, like I said, my body said no.

So, short but sweet today.

My food plan for today:

Breakfast: scrambled eggs and fruit

Lunch:  Leftover pasta with meat sauce

Dinner:  Chili Verde

I'm going to try to use my elliptical again today since it's to hot to walk outside.

Day 8 of Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

Why do I eat?   What 3 words describe my relationship with food right now?  What 3 words do I wish did?

I eat if I'm hungry (which is good) but I also eat if I'm bored, tired, upset, etc., etc. My relationship with food isn't good.  The 3 words I would use to describe it right now would be: unhealthy, a crutch and shame causing.  The 3 words I wish described my eating (I don't really like that word "wish" that means it's not likely to happen in my mind - so we'll just say the 3 words that WILL describe my eating) are:  thoughtful, nourishing and healthy.  I've already moved away from the constant sugar binge (which is amazing all by itself).  I want to add more vegetables (I like veggies but I'm not a really good cook) to my diet.  I'm okay with fruit because it's easy to grab a banana or cherries or whatever is in season and have a snack.  I would also like to be more paleo (no boxed, bagged or canned food and no bread).  I think it's just an all around healthier way to eat.

Okay, well I hope everyone has a great Sunday and always remember ... We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses

Days 9 & 10 - Happy birthday to my wonderful husband!!!

This is a double post.  Yesterday was my husband's birthday so I didn't want to make him sit and wait for me.

So, Thursday.  It went well.  I was feeling nauseated again so I did eat some off plan crackers to try to settle my stomach.  I also used my DigestZen essential oil.  It worked great.  Just a couple drops in a shot glass of water and I felt better in about an hour. However, it does not taste great. I was told that if you like black licorice you'll like this.  I love black licorice but *cough cough* this stuff, not so much.   I'm seriously not trying to sell this stuff but I just think it works well and I am recommending it if you want to feel better and don't want to take a bunch of semi-helpful medications.  Other than the crackers though, I stuck to my food plan for the day.  My walking was cut short.  I only got about 5200 steps in (still better than not doing it at all).  It is just too hot right now.  That combined with nausea did not work out well.  But, I'm fine with that.

Yesterday,  I didn't really have a 24 hour plan for because it was my husband's birthday and I really wanted to let him have what he wanted.  I did alright though.  He wanted to go cruise around our old neighborhood because we always had a good time when we lived over there.  He was super cool about it though.  We went to Whole Foods (one of our favorite places because you can actually get a fairly healthy meal there).  He didn't want to each a bunch of food in front of me, so he suggested we split a sandwich and a piece of birthday cake.  He didn't want me to make a cake for him and have that temptation around all week.  He's awesome, right?  For dinner, though, he wanted Chinese.  I love Chinese even though the sodium is just off the charts.  I didn't fill my plate to overflowing like I usually do and didn't go back for seconds.  Pretty good considering.  My steps were short too (only about 4500) because I wanted to spend the time with him.  My choice completely.  I could have done it but I wanted to spend his day with him more.  Plus it's still miserably hot here.  It's supposed to be horrible until Tuesday (I think). I tried to do 2 laps around the complete cul-de-sac to make up for it but I could only get through a lap and a half because I just couldn't handle the heat.  For the next few days, I will be almost solely relying on my elliptical.  It doesn't register my steps (which is super frustrating) but it's exercise.

And, I can't believe I didn't lead with this, but yesterday was also my first weigh in.  I was super nervous because I wasn't obsessively weighing myself all week.  I am down 3.6 pounds!!!!!!!  I am so excited about this I cannot even tell you.  With all the problems with my thyroid and all the stress, I wasn't expecting much if anything.  It was a fabulous way to start my day!!! AND I got to move four pebbles from my weight to lose jar to my weight lost jar.  Thanks again to whoever came up with that it's great motivation because I keep it in the bathroom where I see it everyday multiple times a day. 

4 down!!!

Okay!  That's it for now.  My food plans for the day is:

Breakfast: Shakeology (my last one because I am out and, since I'm currently unemployed, I temporarily cancelled my order)

Lunch:  Yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds.

Dinner:  I'm planning for chicken and brussel sprouts.  If not that then a small piece of tuna noodle casserole.

Snacks (if necessary):  cherries or goldendew melon

Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge:

2 questions today to catch up

Day 6:  Looking back over the past five days of writing, what patterns or understandings can I now see about myself and where I'm heading?

I'm making progress with my food and exercise but there is a lot of room for improvement.  I'm not snacking in the evening which is a huge win but I need to start making changes to my meals that I prepare.  While there not horribly unhealthy, I need to start finding ways to fit in more veggies.

I've made a decent start to getting back into exercising but I can be doing more.  Specifically, I need to start adding in strength training.  I've lost a lot of strength since I quit doing it and I really don't like that.  I always enjoyed being able to pick up heavy things relatively easily (like 30 pound dogs and 40 bags of dog food).  I also enjoyed being able to open my own jars.  I hated having to ask someone to help me.  

Day 7: How does food make me feel?  How do I wish I felt about food?

Food makes me feel guilty.  Mostly because I haven't been controlling what I'm eating.  I would eat junk and, the whole time I'm doing it, I'm beating myself up.  Even still I just keep eating. Ridiculous!!  I wish I felt more confident around food (I'm sure that will come at some point).  I just always feel like I'm going to go out of control (which, of course, leads me to going out of control).

Anyway, that's all for today.  I hope you all have a great weekend and always remember...If You Are Tired Of Starting Over, Stop Giving Up

Day 8 - Disaster Averted

So, long story short, I had a meeting yesterday that did not go well.  I busted someone lying but, ultimately, nothing was done about it.  This really pissed me off  BUT I did not jump off the wagon and eat my way through yesterday and I still did my walks every 45 minutes. I also did not succumb to having a cigarette.  That all combined is just a miracle for me (God bless my lavender essential oil - it's good for relaxation).  Once again, over 8000 steps.  I wanted to actually do 2 laps around the cul-de-sac as my morning walk but it's just too hot (my husband's favorite saying comes to mind - "What are we a mile from the sun?!". 😀

My appetite is still revved up from the new exercise so I'm eating larger portions at dinner but I am legitimately hungry, so I'm not worried about it. I an nervous about tomorrow though because it's my first weigh in.  That's been the hardest part for me.  I would weigh myself obsessively before but I haven't allowed myself to weigh in at all this week.  Eek!

Okay.  Today's a tired day so this will be short.  I didn't sleep well because I was pissed off (my brain just goes round and round).  I tried visualization but I just kept slipping back to anger.

Today's food plan:

Breakfast:  Shakeology (I'm a total creature of habit)

Lunch:  Yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Dinner:  Pasta with meat sauce and broccoli

Day 7 - Man! It's so hot right now!!

No joke!  It's ridiculous outside and I really just hate the heat and humidity!😰

That aside.  Yesterday was pretty good.  I had to change up my food a bit from what I planned.  I forgot that when you start exercising (or in my case restart exercising) that your appetite increases until your body adjusts. And, wow, did I jump start my exercise.  I changed up my walking a bit.  I wanted to get more steps so I decided that when I get up, after I get my coffee, I would walk our entire street and then every 45 minutes after that I would do the lap around the property.  Our street is a cul-de-sac on both ends.  I'm not sure how clear that is, but basically, it's a decent size oval.  It is about 1500 steps to round the whole street. That's a decent start to the day.  And, by the end of the day, I had just over 8,000 steps.  That's so cool to me.  I was sore and tired by the end of the day, which will definitely help my sleep.  I have just learned that rubbing Frankincense essential oil on sore muscles helps ease the soreness.  It worked great.   And that walk helps me wake up as well.  I've cut my coffee back to 2 cups in the morning and I still have to take sleep meds because of my insomnia (maybe getting back in shape will allow me to stop doing that)  so I'm always groggy when I get up.  The walk helped that immensely.

As far s my 24 hour plan for my food, as I said I changed it up a bit.  Instead of having my yogurt for dinner, I had a second helping of enchilada casserole.  I was just starving by the time dinner came around.  I was still hungry after that and I succumbed to a small bag of M&M's.  While, on the one hand, I'm disappointed with myself, I'm cutting myself a little slack because I was legitimately hungry. I should have had cherries or melon as planned but I didn't.  That's on me.

There was also a change in my ability to obtain junk food.  The little neighborhood convenience store burned down yesterday afternoon.  It's about two blocks from my house so it made it far to easy to succumb to evening snacking. It's terrible (thankfully, no one was hurt) and I feel so badly for the family that owned the store.  It will make it almost impossible to give in to snacks in the evening because the next closest store for junk food was about 10 minutes from the house by car and we're less likely to go that far in the evening. I do hope that they're going to be okay and that they have insurance.  I'm sad for all of those that lost their income yesterday.

Okay.  My food plan for today is:

Breakfast:  Shakeology

Lunch: Yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Dinner: GF pasta with meat sauce and broccoli

Snack (if needed) cherries or melon

Day 5 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

How can I invest in myself, my health and my joy this year?

I like that these questions make me really think about what I want.

I believe I can accomplish all three by learning to make smarter choices with not only food, but my job and how I interact with my family.  My family has been through a really tough 2 years and that contributed to my weight gain.  I don't talk about this very much because it's a tough topic for me.  A little over 2 years ago, we discovered my son had a VERY serious drug addiction problem that stemmed from an injury and snowballed into the worst thing a parent can ever go through.  We were in California at the time and we sold everything we had as fast as possible to move back to Louisiana where he was living.  I was terrified I was going to lose my only child (even though he's an adult - that's still my kid).  We fought for the 2 years after getting back here to save him and I am very thankful that we were finally able to get him sober and working toward rebuilding his life.  I ate my way through it.  I remember clearly sitting on the couch and eating out of a half gallon container of ice cream.  I kept gaining and gaining and I was upset about my weight but just wouldn't do what it would take to correct that behavior.  Even though we're on out way out of that horror, I still have knee jerk reactions to certain things my son does because for those 2 years it only meant a bad thing.  I need to "rewire" how I think about it because that will only help to make my family healthy and whole again.

Anyway, enough of that.  I hope you all have a wonderful day and always remember...Once you choose hope, anything's possible. 💓

Day 6 - Success!!

So, yesterday was a good day.  I ate on plan with one exception. I was really nauseated yesterday afternoon so I did have some crackers.  Not a sleeve of crackers, just a few to help settle my stomach.  Normally, I would eat the whole sleeve.  Ultimately, a "Yay me." moment.

I managed to get myself up and moving like planned.  I used my Echo to set a timer for every 30 minutes and got up and walked around the outside of the house.  The first time, I did a lap around the house but it was only a little over a hundred steps.  That's not super helpful.  I ended up doing 3 laps instead.  I thought about it and realized that I can do a lap around the entire property.  We are lucky enough to have the 2 lots next to us as well.  After the next 30 minutes, I did that and it was about 500-550 steps.  Much Better! Then I had to modify the time because every 30 minutes was interrupting my "work" and I was stopping in the middle of things too often.  I modified it to 45 minutes and that was helpful.  My step count for the day was 4523 steps.  While it isn't my goal of 7500-10000 per day, it's progress and infinitely better than what I was doing (A 2000 step day was a good day).  I'm pretty sure my steps will be higher today because I'm starting earlier than yesterday.

Oh.  The sad thing is my legs and lower back are so sore just from doing that.  It used to take a hard core workout to do that to me.  It just shows me how much I've lost because I gave up on myself.

Alright, today's food plan:

Breakfast:  Shakeology

Lunch:  Small portion of enchilada casserole

Dinner:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Snack (if necessary):  cherries or melon

Exercise:  Continue doing the laps around the property every 45 minutes.

Day 4 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Challenge

This year I most want to....and I will achieve this by....


Well, this year I want to become more healthier and have lost 35 lbs (that's about 7 lbs per month which is not unreasonable) and I will achieve this by December 31st of this year.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy!!  Haha! Right. 😀

Oh yeah!  I figured out emojis on Blogger.

Alright, that's it for today.  Everyone have a wonderful day and always remember...The Struggle You Are In Today Is Developing The Strength You Need for Tomorrow.

Day 5 - The Bane of My Existence

So, Sunday.  Not as bad as Saturday but not good either.  Once again, good in the morning but terrible in the evening  I've been over here thinking, "I don't need to do 24 hour plans.  We make all our food on the weekends and I just swap between one of the 3 or 4 things we make".  Wrong!  Wrong!  Wrong!! I definitely need to incorporate this into my everyday routine, especially for the weekends.  On the plus side, all the junk is gone and I won't be making runs to the corner market for garbage food this week.

I'm still not getting exercise either.  I've been sitting on my butt for so long that that is what my body wants to do now.  I wanted to start strength training this weekend but, nope, nada, zilch.  I did join in the Fitbit Challenges so that should get me moving a little bit.  I just don't want to be so far behind everyone else. I live in Louisiana though so weather is horrible and my elliptical doesn't record steps accurately.  I'm thinking that I will set 30 minute timers and every 30 minutes I will get up from what I'm doing and do a lap around the outside of the house.  I'm spending a lot of time on my computer (job hunting), so I definitely need to get up and move because I know it's not healthy to sit all of the time.

I've been meaning to mention my water intake but I keep forgetting.  This is the only thing I don't have to worry about.  For years now, my husband and I have been drinking a 2.2L(74.4 oz)  jug of water everyday. It's something I do without thought because I can't stand it if I'm actually thirsty.  There inexpensive too.  The last time I had to replace mine, they were about $3.00 at Walmart.  And I love drinking water.  I'm not a big soda fan (I do have one occasionally if I'm tired) so I have coffee when I get up and water for the rest of the day.  I usually get a little extra water too when I take my medication.  I have a glass in the morning and evening.  And once I get back into working out, I'll get even more water.  It's nice that I don't need to worry about that part.

My jug o'water

Alright, yesterdays food intake:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Lunch:  Chips and cherries

Dinner:  Crock Pot Parmesan garlic chicken wings (10)

And...a pint of Blue Bunny Bunny Tracks Ice Cream ( I need emojis on here so I can add an eyeroll)


Mondays plan:

Breakfast:  Shakeology

Lunch: Greek yogurt with berries, GF granola and chia seeds

Dinner:  Leftover chicken wings (10)

IF I'm starving and need a snack:  Cherries or Goldendew melon

NO GARBAGE FOOD!!!!

Exercise:  Every 30 minutes a lap around the outside of the house

Day 3 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Challenge:

What are my biggest barriers?  Why do they block me? How can I work with them?

Hmm.  This one is a tough one.  I think my biggest barrier is my own mind.  Yes.  I have chronic illnesses that can limit me to an extent but I've been using those as my excuse for gaining and not being able to lose the weight I've gained in the last couple of years.  I've been taking the same meds for years at this point but I only started gaining weight a little over two years ago.  We were going through some horrible stuff and I was eating my way through it.  So, obviously, it's not my medications.  It's all on me.

I guess they block me because I allow them to block me.  I don't have to listen to the bad messages my brain is sending me but I do.  How can I work with them?  I can use the massages to change my story.  When I hear "This will never work.  Nothing else has." I can instead replace that with something like, " I can do whatever I set out to do.  It just takes my commitment and effort."

Alright, well that's it for today.  I hope you all have a wonderful day and always remember ...Don't let yesterday take up too much of today.