Day 46 - How do I recommit to myself

I'm really struggling here.  I'm only sticking to my 24 hour plan some of the time.  I'm giving in to junk food and not sticking to my exercise plans.  I need to rethink this.  I'm afraid I'll never lose this weight because of my lack of commitment.  And the constant fluctuations in my thyroid levels and estrogen and progesterone levels make me even more nervous about getting this weight off.

So, how can I change my destructive thought patterns to productive thought patterns?

"Screw it.  I want a cookie (cake, candy, crackers, chips, etc., etc.).  I've done well this week.  I deserve it."

Change that to:  "I've done well this week.  I deserve to feel better and to feel more confident about my weight and my body.  I don't need to ruin that with junk food.  I t may taste good but it ruins my confidence. Besides, after eating well, it just makes me stick to my stomach anyway."

"I don't feel like exercising today.  I'm tired, sick, exhausted, I didn't sleep well, et., etc."

Change that to:  "I don't feel like exercising today.  But, I'm going to do as much as I can even though I don't feel well.  I don't have to push too hard but  I do need to move.  It will make me feel better and, eventually, I will get stronger so that I don't feel badly all of the time."

Well, that's a start.  I can come up with other changes as I discover negative thoughts that I need to change. I should write these out so that I can see them whenever I feel like giving up on myself.

My plan for today is:

Breakfast: yogurt

Lunch: Chicken noodle soup

Dinner:  enchilada casserole

Exercise:  Walk around the neighborhood, ab challenge, elliptical

Alright, that's it.  Everyone have a good day and always remember...Positivity, confidence, and persistence are key in life, so never give up on yourself.

Days 44 and 45 - A lot of mixed emotions over here

I'm still struggling with sticking to a 24 hour food plan.  I make the plan and then, when I'm hungry, the plan goes out the window.  Usually that happens if I wait to long to eat.I'm having a lot of emotional turmoil too.  I'm thinking that is because of my thyroid being so far out of range.  I'm not sticking to my exercise plan either.  I haven't done much more than my cul-de-sac walk for about the last week.  I can feel it too.  My right hip is starting to hurt again and it seems like the more I usee it the less it hurts.  Since today is Sunday, it's technically a rest day but I did the cul-de-sac walk anyway and I'm going to try getting in some other movement as well.

So, today's plan:

Breakfast: Eggs & a banana

Lunch:  Enchilada casserole

Dinner:  brussel sprouts and chicken breast

Snack: Melon

Exercise:  cul-de-sac walk, ab challenge and whatever other movement I can get in.

So, have a happy Sunday and remember....Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

Day 43 - Ah! Sleep! Sweet relief!!

I finally got some decent sleep last night.  Thank God!! AND today is my Friday weigh in. Down 2.8 pounds.  Even though I haven't been getting much exercise and I have been discouraged and not eating to plan, I still lost.  My thought is I gave my body what it needed - rest!! But I really have to get back to work.  I did my morning cul-de-sac walk and I'm going to try to do my strength training and my ab challenge.  If  I have the energy, I'm going to try to fit in the elliptical.  I'm not going to try for 5 rounds but, I can at least try for a couple of rounds. 

I emailed both of my doctors yesterday.  I'm disappointed with the endo.  He just switched my medication back to the lower dose that didn't work.  I have gone up and down between the 2 same dosages several times at this point and neither work but he seems convinced that eventually one will work which, honestly, pisses me off.  He's not even interested in trying to make me feel better. Jerk!!  I haven't heard back from the 2nd doctor but I'll probably here sometime today.


Anyway, my plan for today is:

Breakfast:  yogurt

Lunch: chicken noodle soup

Dinner:  Enchilada Casserole

Snack: melon

Exercise: cul-de-sac loop, strength training and elliptical

Well, that's it for today.  Happy Friday the 13th, have a great weekend and always remember...Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.

Day 41 and 42 - I've completely lost momentum

I'm struggling right now.  I'm not sleeping well because of my thyroid and that's throwing off my depression and anxiety because I'm just too exhausted to keep control of myself. I'm having a hard time keeping on plan food wise and I haven't exercised all week (except the ab challenge because that takes about 2 minutes - I can do that). Well, I did manage my cul-de-sac lap yesterday and today.   Yesterday,  I was okay until late afternoon and then I ate toast with butter and jelly because I desperately wanted sugar. Today, my plan went out the window because I ended up running errands until after lunch.  I ended up having a Snickers for lunch.  Now, I have to try to make it until dinner.  I may cut up some melon so I'm not ravenous by dinner and over eat.

Okay, that's all for today.  I'm just exhausted.  I'll try to start again tomorrow.

Everyone have a great day and remember...sleep deprivation is the most common brain impairment.

Day 41 - I'm just not feeling it

I'm just struggling the last few days.  I'm exhausted even though I'm sleeping fine.  Today, I'm doing my fever thing.  Sometimes (usually about once a month), I run a low grade fever for like a day maybe two.  Then it just stops.  I'm not sick. It just happens.  So, because I'm so tired I just want to eat because I'm desperate for energy.  I did not stick to my plan yesterday and I didn't really exercise, except for my ab challenge.  I'm still feeling crappy today but I'm trying to stick to my food plan as best as I can.  Breakfast, however, got knocked out because I rushed with one of my poodles to the vet first thing this morning.  I found a lump on her chest, so I immediately had it checked out.  Thankfully, it's just a lipoma (fatty tumor) but they did tell me she needs to lose weight.  My little chunky monkey needs to lose 3 pounds which is quite a bit for a miniature poodle.  Oh well.  She's just gonna have to change her diet just like her mama. 

So, today:

Breakfast:  Starbucks (I was at the vet and needed a caffeine boost)

Lunch:  Last of the chili

Dinner: homemade burgers

No snacks

Exercise:  I don't know.  Ab challenge takes about 3 minutes.  I'm supposed to do strength training but I just don't feel well and elliptical is not likely to happen.

Anyway, have a great day and always remember ...Only in the darkness can you see the stars

Day 40 - Monotony Kicks In

I'm feeling like I'm getting up, doing this, working on other projects, exercising, watching TV and going to bed.  Then I wake up the next day and start all over again.  I'm really tired the last couple of days and I think this may be why.  I need to jazz up my life a bit.  How?  I have no idea but I need a change.  Yesterday, my husband and I were both tired so we ordered the pizza for lunch instead of dinner.  That was a mistake because I ended up eating way more than 2 slices of pizza and we ordered brownies too.  I feel like I'm failing at this 100 day challenge at this point and I need to get back on track.  I did do my ab challenge yesterday, so that's something.  I just want to sleep all of the time and when I'm worn out like this, I crave sugar because I am desperate for energy.  I need to figure out a plan. 

So, today, I've done my computer work already.  I'm going to shut this down, get cleaned up and finish up my homework for the day.  I'm going to try to get in my elliptical x 5 (with an increase of 1 minute so they are 9 minutes a round now)and my ab challenge.  It's still extremely hot out, so my cul-de-sac loops are cancelled until things become reasonable again.

My plan for the day:

Breakfast:  Yogurt concoction

Lunch:  chicken noodle soup

Dinner:  the last of the leftover chili

Snacks:  Probably nothing because I ate so much yesterday

Exercise:  Elliptical x 5 (9 minutes now) and my ab challenge

I've been trying to make these posts deep and meaningful, but I realized that's silly because I am doing this for myself and no one else is going to see this.  BUT, just in case someone shows up to the party, I hope you have a fabulous day and always remember...We all grow tired eventually; it happens to everyone. Even the sun, at the close of the year, is no longer a morning person.

Day 39 - Sleepy Sunday

Yesterday went well.  I stuck to my plan and, even though we had a guest for dinner (who cooked for us), I didn't eat anything unreasonable.  He made a lovely pork dish with mint and cilantro (it sounds a little strange but was actually quite good).  We made brown rice and used romaine lettuce to make wraps out of it all.  It was delicious and healthy.  I also got to trade recipes with him.  He showed me a cookbook app where he can share his recipes with me.  He and his wife actually eat quite healthy, so everything was okay for my daily plans.  Most of it is done in the instant pot too so that makes it even easier.  He even showed me how to make my own Greek yogurt in it.  I can't wait to try that one.  The only thing I didn't get to do was my ab challenge because he was here during the time I usually do it.  I could have done it earlier but didn't think of it because I was busy cleaning up before he got here.  Today was supposed to be a rest day though.   I can do yesterday this morning and be caught up for tomorrow.

I'm a little wiped out today.  I'm a huge introvert, so having anyone around exhausts me, even though I really like Dave.  So other than my ab challenge, my husband and I just want to chill out today.  We're even ordering pizza so we don't have to cook.  I'm adding it to my plan for the day and I am allowing myself 2 pieces and that's it.  I love pizza.  I usually stuff myself.  This will be something of a challenge, but I can do it.  There will also be leftovers, so I will just have to commit to leaving that to my family.

Today's plan is:

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt concoction

Lunch:  chicken noodle soup

Dinner: 2 slices of pizza

Snacks: melon

Exercise:  Ab challenge ans rest

Alright, everyone had a great day and remember...when we rest our energy is restored.

Day 37 & 38 - I took a self imposed computer break

I've been having a hard time keeping up with life, so, yesterday, I took a day off from my computer.  I did my Friday weigh in and didn't lose anything but that wasn't bad considering I was eating crappy all week long.  On the plus side, I gained nothing.  So, that's fine with me.  I did my measurements too so I could see what progress I made and I've lost 5.5" total.  That's pretty good.  I did my strength training and my second day of the ab challenge.  I really can't do sit ups right now (my belly actually gets in the way) but I can do the crunches leg raises and planks just fine.  I'm on day 3.  I was looking at the last day.  WTH?!!!! 😂😂 125 sit ups, 200 crunches, 65 leg raises and a 2 minute plank. Bwahahaha!!!  We'll see.

I didn't do elliptical yesterday because I just needed to get out of the house for a while.  I haven't left home in over a week.  I went and got my hair cut, visited my friend's New Age shop, stopped at Ulta and checked out Five Below (I'd never been there before and it was new at our shopping center).  It was a nice day out until someone hit my car in the parking lot and split.  Excuse me.....ASSHOLE!!!!

Alright, so, today my food plan includes a meal that I'm not too certain about because our friend is cooking for us.

Breakfast:  My Greek yogurt concoction

Lunch: leftover chili verde and a granola bar

Dinner:  Surprise Dave dinner

Exercise:  My weekends are my time off but I am doing my ab challenge and housework

So, that's it for today.  I need to get the house picked up before Dave shows up.  Happy weekend and always remember....believe in yourself and you will be unstoppable.

Day 36 - A New Challenge

I finished the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge yesterday, so I wanted to come up with a new challenge. I found this 30 Day abs challenge and I thought this would be perfect.  Since I re-started strength training a couple of weeks ago (I think?), I realized that I didn't lose as much of my upper body strength as I thought.  I just couldn't see my muscles anymore because of the weight.  However, my core strength is just gone.  I figured I could add this to my strength training and see how much improvement I can get in 30 days.

Alright, honesty time.  Since I fell off the wagon last weekend, I haven't been able to stick to my 24 hour plan.  Last night I wanted something sweet (after I had already had dinner), so I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Lame!!I'm being awful to myself.  I want to see a change but, apparently, I'm not willing to put in the work right now.  I have to get off my ass and recommit to me.  I also didn't get in my elliptical at all.  I did do strength training and my lap around the cul-de-sac but that was it.  I am super busy right now but I had time to stop once an hour and do 8 minutes on the elliptical.  I just didn't. 

So, no more bullsh*t!!  Today's the day!!  I'm here to make myself the best me I can be and I'm going to stick to it!!!

Today's food plan:

Breakfast:  my Greek yogurt concoction

Lunch:  Chicken noodle soup

Dinner:  Shrimp stir fry

Snack: banana (I'm out of all of my other fruit)

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac lap, 30 Day Ab Challenge Day 1 and Elliptical 5 times plus housework if I get to it.

Alright, I hope everyone has a fab Thursday and remember...determination is nothing without dedication and hard work...

Dat 35 - I think I can beat this

So, after eating for crap for days, I'm getting back online.  I'm not doing great with exercise this week though.  It's still the menstrual thing.  I keep having to go to bed because the pain is too much.  I'm very much a person that can roll with the punches but this is harsh.  I'm counting the days until my appointment.  It weird to me that I'm hoping for a surgical intervention.  I'm not like this.

I'm also way behind on everything this week.  Long weekends are great but short weeks are a nightmare.  I'm working on my business page on FB and the group I associated with it.  I'm making videos now and that's a whole big learning curve.  I'm working on my Travel Counselor training, my diploma on Aromatherapy, strength training and cardio, getting steps in, keeping up with this, looking for a job and keeping up with housework. I have way too much on my plate right now. So, my journal posts have gotten shorter just because I don't have enough time in the day right now.

So, once again, short but sweet.  My food plan is:

Breakfast:  my Greek yogurt concoction

Lunch:  Chicken noodle soup and saltines

Dinner: shrimp stir fry

Snacks: banana and melon

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac loop, elliptical x5 and strength training

Day 30 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

Looking back over the past 30 days of journaling, what do I now know that I didn't before?  How can I take this forward into action?

I've learned a lot about myself in the last 30 days.  My self esteem is in the toilet. I need to learn to be kinder to myself.  I need to not give up when life throws me a curve.  I'm starting to see patterns in my behavior that I can get control of, now that I realize they're there. I need to catch myself when I start thinking badly of myself. Like today, I was making a video and saw myself and almost couldn't do it.  I am extremely embarrassed by the way I look right now. I know some of it is because of health issues and medication but most of it, honestly, is my CHOOSING to eat for crap.  I'm also really hard on myself when I can't accomplish what I want to accomplish, like my weight loss over the past month.  I was so upset that I didn't lose more weight and I chose to not acknowledge what I had done.  I LOST weight.  I didn't gain it.  That alone is something to be proud of.  So, moving forward, I'm going to pay attention what my mind is saying to me and, when I catch myself being hard on me, I will consciously change that thought to something positive. 

Alright, that's all for today.  Happy Wednesday to all and always remember...The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ...

Day 33 & 34 - Derailed

So, once again, a double post.  Labor Day threw everything into a tailspin and I have eaten garbage for the past 4 days.  Today I am back on the wagon.  No more visitors and everyone is back to work. I joined the 100 miles in 30 days challenge on the PNP Groupies group, so I'm going to be doing my best to get at least 4 miles a day.

Yesterday, I was also stuck in bed all day because the menstrual horrors continue.  I called today to see my gyno but the soonest she had is at the end of the month.  I just have to suck it up until then.

Today, I am over scheduled because of the holiday.  I'm trying to catch up because I didn't do anything yesterday.  I've scheduled my exercise for the day.  I did cut my normal morning loop in half because it is horrible hot here in Louisiana this week and there's no shade.  I'm compensating with my elliptical rounds and strength training.  Plus, I have housekeeping to do so I should definitely be getting in enough movement.

So, short but sweet.  My food plan for the day is:

Breakfast:  my Greek yogurt concoction

Lunch: Small serving of chili (our buddy made this for us and it's amazing and that says a lot because I usually don't like chili)

Dinner: leftover chili verde

Snacks: melon

Exercise:  all of the above.

Day 29 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What words do I wish someone would say to me right now?  How can I give that to myself this year?

The words I want to hear most are "It's going to be okay.", "You can do this.", and "You're stronger than you know."  I want to hear "It's going to be okay." because I am very stressed out because of my unemployment.  I'm also eliminating my antidepressant which makes me very nervous.  I want to hear "You can do this." because my faith in myself is at an all time low.  I'm trying to learn another occupation and trying to lose weight and get more healthy at the same time. And I want to hear "You're stronger than you know." because, once again, I don't have a lot of faith in myself right now.  I can give all of these to myself by concentrating on all of the things I'm doing to improve my situation.  I need to look back at everything I've accomplished over the years, even though I didn't think it was possible.  If I see everything I've gone through and come out better on the other side, it will help me to feel stronger and more capable than I feel at the moment.

Alright, that's all for today.  I hope you had a wonderful Labor Day weekend and I hope you have a wonderful Tuesday.  And, as always remember...Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.

Day 31 and 32 - Disappointment as an excuse to screw up

There's no need to really break this down into days because they were both pretty much the same.  I gave up on myself for a couple of days after my Friday weigh in.  I've been working so hard and 6 pounds in a month is extremely disappointing, especially when I'm seeing all these other women in the group losing double digits in a couple of weeks.  I realize it's tougher for someone with Hashimoto's and someone who's taking medications that have side effects of weight gain and I'm having my period every two weeks but I'm still really upset.  I have eaten nothing but junk the last couple of days and I felt myself giving up but I recognized it last night (as I ate my Marble Slab ice cream in bed).  I realized I'm giving up on my goals, my health and my happiness and I'm just not having it this time. And, I didn't feel good after eating all of that junk too. So, today I start over and, even though I tend to take the weekends off from exercise, I'm going to get as much of my exercise in today as I can.  We may be having a friend coming over for dinner tonight and he likes to cook for us when he comes but he usually makes healthy meals but I can still stick to my plan.  I just won't eat a huge amount of dinner.

So, that's really it for today.  I'm going to do this no matter what it takes.

My food plan for the day:

Breakfast  I'm not hungry at all because of my junk food fest so I'm probably going to skip this

Lunch:  chili verde

Dinner: Chicken and veggies unless our buddy shows up today.

No snacks!!!

Exercise:  Cul-de-sac lap, elliptical rounds (5 at 8 minutes) and housekeeping (that totally counts as cardio) 😁

Day 28 of the Emotional Eating 30 Day Journal Challenge

What went super well?  What is different now because of that?

I think this journal challenge has really helped me to see what my internal monologue about food and myself is.  I've learned how I can identify "garbage thinking" and I'm working on changing those thoughts to positive reinforcement.  Like, I could say I'm a failure because of my binge eating for the last couple of days or I could say, "Yep. I screwed that up BUT I recognized what I was doing and was able to bring myself back around and not give up because I'm not seeing the progress as quickly as others.

Well, that's it for today.  I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday.  If you're in the path of Dorian, stay safe.  AND always remember...Positivity, confidence, and persistence are key in life, so never give up on yourself. .